Blackberry to give away free Z10 with every iPhone purchase

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Smartphone manufacturer Blackberry is looking to grow its market share by giving away a Z10 smartphone to everyone who buys an iPhone.
 
The drastic measure comes as the firm tries to secure its place among the smartphone elite, despite poor sales of its flagship device.
 
BlackBerry boss Thorsten Heins said, “We are confident that by forcing a BlackBerry into the hands of everyone buying an iPhone, then we can at least claim that we have a lot of BlackBerries out there.”
 
“Our new sales strategy involved hovering outside an Apple store and putting a Z10 into every bag that looks like it contains an iPhone.”
 
“Then we go to the end of the street, take all the Z10s out of the bin and start again.”
 
BlackBerry market share
 
The move has been copied by Microsoft who have taken to giving away their Surface tablet to anyone buying an iPad.
 
Microsoft boss Steve Ballmer said, “We have to move quickly, especially when someone has bought an iPhone and an iPad, as the BlackBerry people are trying to get their stuff into those bags, too.”
 
“But it’s been a success – so far ownership of Surface tablets is up 200%.”
 
“And by ‘ownership’, I mean ‘has one on their person when we counted them’.”

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Anthony-Claret Ifeanyi Onwutalobi

Anthony-Claret is a software Engineer, entrepreneur and the founder of Codewit INC. Mr. Claret publishes and manages the content on Codewit Word News website and associated websites. He's a writer, IT Expert, great administrator, technology enthusiast, social media lover and all around digital guy.
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Narnia residents delighted as immigrant loophole through wardrobe is finally closed

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Anti-Immigration demonstrators in Narnia are celebrating this morning as a portal that leads to a 19th century wardrobe is finally to be closed.
 
The wardrobe, which has seen several young children from the 1930’s enter Narnia without being checked by the relevant authorities, is to be destroyed after residents complained of looting, dropped litter (mainly Turkish delight wrappers) and widespread drug use.
 
A spokesperson for the group ‘Narnia for Narnians’, a Mrs The White Witch cackled, “Here at the N4N we’re absolutely delighted.”
 
“The place has been inundated with spoilt wartime brats coming over here with their stupid hair and fake posh voices, making the place look untidy and pretty much foiling all of our plans.”
 
“If things carried on as they were going who knows where it would have stopped? First it’s the odd visit, the next they move their families in, scrounge off the government and drive down our property prices.”
 
Narnia immigration policy
 
However, not everyone is in favour of closing the gateway. Some think that it brings much-needed money into the tourism industry and fear that the closure may affect the local economy, something Mrs The White Witch dismisses with an evil laugh.
 
She went on, “You know what is bad for tourism? Having a massive fuck-off Lion roaming about the place.”
 
“That’s right, we’re being ruled by a tyrannical lion and, what’s more, he’s immortal. How do you get your head around that?”
 
“Just last week he had someone’s hand off just for whistling outdoors! No, trust me the closure will be the best thing for everyone concerned.”
 
It is not yet known how this will affect those on the other side of the wardrobe. A spokesman for the 1930’s was unavailable for comment.
 
SOURCE: newsthump

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Anthony-Claret Ifeanyi Onwutalobi

Anthony-Claret is a software Engineer, entrepreneur and the founder of Codewit INC. Mr. Claret publishes and manages the content on Codewit Word News website and associated websites. He's a writer, IT Expert, great administrator, technology enthusiast, social media lover and all around digital guy.
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Orville to break historic links with Keith Harris

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Shit eighties puppet Orville The Duck is to renegotiate his historic relationship with has-been ventriloquist Keith Harris, according to reports.
 
In a speech on Tuesday, Orville will call for a new system of ventriloquism which is “open, transparent and trusted” and does not rely on the viewer being easily distracted.
 
Orville has faced open criticism from those within the entertainment industry who accuse him of being nothing more than a mouthpiece for Harris’ poor jokes.
 
“What we saw back then is part of the death throes of the old ventriloquism”, Orville said.
 
“Keith with his hand up my arse calling all the shots. It is a symbol of all that is wrong with ventriloquism.”
 
“Every time I talk you can see Keith’s fucking gob flapping away – that has got to stop.”
 
“We need to move away from the closed shop system of ‘one puppet one ventriloquist’ as exemplified by Ray Allen and Lord Charles or Bob Carol-Gees and Spit The Dog.”
 
Key relationship to change
 
Orville fan Simon Williams said, “In fairness to Keith, he did try to break out of the mould by introducing Cuddles the Monkey, but unfortunately the entire act was a steaming pile of wank which struggled with the letter B.”
 
Harris, meanwhile, has advised Orville against severing his links completely, insisting it may not be possible for him to sit upright without assistance.
 
Harris said, “A Top Ten hit, the Prestatyn branch of Pontins sold out for two consecutive nights – none of this would have been possible without me.”
 
“At least I’m not a paedo,” he added.
 
“And let’s face it – I had plenty of opportunities.”
 
SOURCE: newsthump

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Anthony-Claret Ifeanyi Onwutalobi

Anthony-Claret is a software Engineer, entrepreneur and the founder of Codewit INC. Mr. Claret publishes and manages the content on Codewit Word News website and associated websites. He's a writer, IT Expert, great administrator, technology enthusiast, social media lover and all around digital guy.
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Research shows toddlers who sleep in four-poster beds ‘more likely to go to Eton’

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Researchers have made a startling discovery about how a child’s academic prospects might be improved: they’ve found a link between sleeping in a castle, and then Going On To Eton.
 
Until now, little research has been carried out into how going to bed early with a belly-full of swan can affect a child’s cognitive abilities – but these latest findings show it doesn’t matter, because they have a lot of money.
 
Charles Frisham thinks there could be a direct correlation between being tucked into a four-poster bed by a butler, and growing up thinking it’s acceptable to wear red trousers and a blazer.
 
“My team and I spent several months studying the bed-time habits of the under-5s”, said Frisham.
 
“Although we concentrated on the big houses in the end, because some of the small ones were quite grubby.”
 
Child academic research
 
Frisham also proved a link between consuming microwave burgers and blue pop, and not going to a half-decent prep school.
 
“Worse still is the damage done by parents that don’t make you go to bed before midnight because they’ve been drinking White Lightning all afternoon”, said Frisham.
 
“With that sort of routine you’re 85% more likely to end up in a school where the only apparatus on the playground is a burnt-out Subaru Impreza.”
 
Frisham claimed just a few simple changes could help improve the prospects of a toddler.
 
“It’s the little things that make a difference”, he explained. “Having a nanny, owning a few ponies or being on the civil list.”
 
Frisham believes that every parent can give their offspring the best start in life, if they move to Chipping Norton and make an effort with the neighbours.
 
“Who knows, one day your child could be doing something really meaningful with their life”, he suggested.
 
“Such as carrying out research projects into the Incredibly Fucking Obvious.”
 
SOURCE: newsthump

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Anthony-Claret Ifeanyi Onwutalobi

Anthony-Claret is a software Engineer, entrepreneur and the founder of Codewit INC. Mr. Claret publishes and manages the content on Codewit Word News website and associated websites. He's a writer, IT Expert, great administrator, technology enthusiast, social media lover and all around digital guy.
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Fred’s Science Museum Closes After Three Months

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WOBURN, Mass. (CAP) – After opening to much fanfare in the local press, "Fred's Museum of Science" – billed as a less expensive suburban alternative to the Boston Museum of Science – has gone out of business, confirms owner Fred Prywatki.
 
Prywatki opened the museum three months ago with his brother-in-law, Carl Reinhardt, and financed it with profits from his used car dealership, Prywatki Kia of Pittsfield.
 
"We were trying to show that you could have a fun, family-friendly, successful museum of science without a bunch of fancy foundations or an affiliation with MIT," said Prywatki. "It turns out we may have been wrong about that."
 
Located in the Cummings Office Park in Woburn, Mass., about 11 miles north of Boston, Prywatki and Reinhardt billed the museum as "2,000 Square Feet of Scien-Terrific!" But despite offering several amenities unavailable at the Boston Museum of Science – including free parking and Pizza Hut coupons with each admission – Fred's had trouble competing with attractions like the Hayden Planetarium, the Mugar Omni IMAX theater and a dinosaur exhibit featuring a life-sized, scientifically accurate Tyrannosaurus Rex.
 
In contrast, Fred's dinosaur exhibit featured a Barney the Purple Dinosaur costume positioned on a pedestal with arms outstretched, accompanied by a placard explaining how a real dinosaur would have been different. ("Did you know that actual dinosaurs didn't have googly eyes?" it reads in part.)
 
The museum was also at the center of several controversies during its short existence, such as when the Barney outfit in question – billed as having been worn by the original TV Barney, David Joyner – was revealed as having been a knockoff from a children's party store. "The first tip-off was that the suit was blue," noted Barney the Purple Dinosaur historian Francis Rudnick.
 
Prywatki also found himself at the center of several lawsuits, such as when more than a dozen children were injured by falling apples in "Newton's House of Gravity." The museum also came under fire for its exhibit entitled "Bees": Unlike the Boston Museum of Science exhibit of the same name, which features a glassed-in beehive that allows visitors to observe bees in their natural setting, Fred's exhibit was just a room full of loose bees, many of them angry.
 
"We failed to take into account potential allergy issues," admitted Prywatki.
 
Disaster was averted on the exhibit's opening day, when a school nurse at the museum on a field trip treated stung children with an EpiPen she had brought with her in case of emergency. "There were kids on the floor blowing up like balloons, and he's there offering them Pizza Hut coupons," said nurse Patti Johansen, referring to Prywatki. "Idiot."
 
The city of Woburn had apparently had high hopes for Fred's Museum of Science — on the day it opened, the Woburn Daily Times Chronicle featured a front-page photo of Mayor Scott D. Galvin cutting the ribbon for the museum, accompanied by state Sen. James Dwyer, playwright and Woburn native Eric Bogosian, and Prywatki and Reinhardt, both dressed as amoebas.
 
"We should have guessed something was amiss when we saw the amoeba costumes were made of Hefty garbage bags with paper plates glued to them," said Galvin this week.
 
"Idiots," added Bogosian.
 
For his part, Prywatki says the final straw was an incident at the museum last week in "Edison's Electricity Hut" involving a curling iron and a tub full of water. "I just couldn't justify keeping it open after that," said Prywatki. "And I'm sure my brother-in-law would agree with me, if he ever comes out of the coma."
 
SOURCE: cap-news

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Anthony-Claret Ifeanyi Onwutalobi

Anthony-Claret is a software Engineer, entrepreneur and the founder of Codewit INC. Mr. Claret publishes and manages the content on Codewit Word News website and associated websites. He's a writer, IT Expert, great administrator, technology enthusiast, social media lover and all around digital guy.
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VH1 Turns Down “So You Think You Can Mime?”

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NEW YORK (CAP) – Producers of TV's newest reality show, So You Think You Can Mime? are heading back to the drawing board after VH1 announced the network would not be picking up the show for its new reality TV block of programming.
 
Thus far, no network has expressed interest in airing the show.
 
"Our audience has an insatiable appetite for two things: John Mayer videos and inane reality shows," said Ben Zurier, Senior Vice President of Program Strategy for VH1. "But mimes? Come on, even we have some slim standards on what we call celebrities.
 
"You'd think that if we'd give a show to Chad Ochocinco, we'd give a show to anyone, and for the most part you're right," added Zurier. "But we have to draw the line somewhere. Even if it's a fake line in the air."
 
The show is the brain child of So You Think You Can Dance? executive producer Nigel Lythgoe, who admitted he's "pretty much scraping the bottom of the barrel" when it comes to ideas for new reality shows.
 
In fact, in light of this latest turn of events, Lythgoe said he's having second thoughts about moving forward with pilots for So You Think You Can Synchronize Swim? and So You Think You Can Cross Stitch?.
 
"I thought maybe mimes could use a bit of a fair shake," said Lythgoe. "I mean, whenever we make fun of mimes, we're always using Marcel Marceau as a reference, and he's been dead for – well, a while now, and no one has stepped up to take his place."
 
Lythgoe had launched tryouts for the show in seven different U.S. cities, but those tryouts only produced a total of three contestants. And one of them was an autistic boy who had no idea where he was.
 
"I guess American TV's just not ready for the subtle nuances of miming," Lythgoe added. "However, I think if that boy can cut down on the whole rocking back and forth thing, he just might be."
 
Mime was slated to be hosted by a newer version of the famous '70s mixed-gender mime duo Shields and Yarnell. The original Lorene Yarnell died in 1988 after suffocating in an invisible box and was replaced by Yarnell 2.
 
The new duo has met with great success since the mid '90s in Branson, Mo. at the Yakov Smirnoff dinner theatre, however neither Shields nor Yarnell 2 were available for comment on the fate of their show.

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Anthony-Claret Ifeanyi Onwutalobi

Anthony-Claret is a software Engineer, entrepreneur and the founder of Codewit INC. Mr. Claret publishes and manages the content on Codewit Word News website and associated websites. He's a writer, IT Expert, great administrator, technology enthusiast, social media lover and all around digital guy.
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Venezuela, Nicaragua, and Bolivia offer asylum to George Zimmerman

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Following the conclusion of his murder trial, George Zimmerman was offered asylum by the South American countries of Venezuela, Nicaragua and Bolivia. The nations have each declared that Zimmerman can take immediate residency in their lands without any fear of reprisal.
 
“Mr. Zimmerman is welcome in our country,” said Nicaraguan Secretary of International Law Manuel Rosario. “We would like the international community to see that Nicaragua is a major player in the world’s asylum seeker scene. You don’t have to go all the way to Russia to have protection. We also have much nicer weather and your dollar will go much further.”
 
The Bolivian government was first to offer Zimmerman asylum, sending a diplomatic envoy to Florida before he was even charged. “There are many reasons we seek to shelter those who want asylum,” said Bolivian Vice President Álvaro García Linera. “But in this case, the overwhelming reason is a shortage of well-suited mall cops in our country. We thought that if we brought Mr. Zimmerman to Bolivia, the quasi-security elite of the world would quickly follow, and we would have the safest food courts in the continent.”
 
Russian President Vladimir Putin, who is considering granting asylum status to American leaker Edward Snowden, has warned the South American countries to be careful what they wish for. “Keeping an American in asylum status isn’t easy,” explained Putin. “I don’t think anyone realizes how much the average American needs to eat in a day. We’re gonna go broke trying to make sure this guy gets enough junk food to make it through a day without collapsing. And the Zimmerman character, he looks like he might be even tubbier.”
 
“Mr. Zimmerman, on our soil you can breathe free,” said Venezuelan State Department official Carlos Alvarez. “You can rest assured that, even though you have been declared not guilty, you can live a life in Venezuela free from the worst of all persecutions: being pestered by cable news talk show hosts.”
 
SOURCE: derfmagazine

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Anthony-Claret Ifeanyi Onwutalobi

Anthony-Claret is a software Engineer, entrepreneur and the founder of Codewit INC. Mr. Claret publishes and manages the content on Codewit Word News website and associated websites. He's a writer, IT Expert, great administrator, technology enthusiast, social media lover and all around digital guy.
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Facebook Admits Breach Showed All Our Boring Crap

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SAN FRANCISCO (CAP) – Facebook Inc. has inadvertently exposed 6 million users' boring crap to unauthorized viewers over the past year, the world's largest social networking company disclosed this week.
 
Facebook blamed the leaks, which began in 2012, on a technical glitch in its massive data archive. As a result of the glitch, Facebook users used to seeing their friends' boring crap also saw boring crap that had been posted by non-friends.
 
A Facebook spokesman said the delay in disclosing the breach was due to company procedure stipulating that the users whose boring crap had been breached be notified that others had seen their stupid memes, offensive political jokes, blatant plugs and pictures of their kids and pets that they thought were incredibly adorable but that, in reality, were just kind of meh.
 
"We currently have no evidence that this bug has been exploited maliciously and we have not received complaints from users, who couldn't tell the strange boring crap from the boring crap they usually get," Facebook said on its blog. This is likely because, according to a recent study, users don't really know upwards of 70 percent of their Facebook friends, and many of them may not even actually exist.
 
"But they'd have to exist to have crap that boring," noted study participant Marc Hurwitz, whose Facebook page Stop Posting Your Boring Crap has more than 3 million 'Likes,' even more than his next most popular page, I Desperately Want Hugh Jackman to be Gay.
 
In related news, the breach also exposed the users emails and phone numbers, but no one seemed fazed by that, noting that the government already has all that information. "I've said it before and I'll say it again: It's a good thing most of our users are stupid people," said Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg.
 
SOURCE: cap-news

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Anthony-Claret Ifeanyi Onwutalobi

Anthony-Claret is a software Engineer, entrepreneur and the founder of Codewit INC. Mr. Claret publishes and manages the content on Codewit Word News website and associated websites. He's a writer, IT Expert, great administrator, technology enthusiast, social media lover and all around digital guy.
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Vladimir Putin: “Snowden’s trapped”

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Russian President Vladimir Putin describes Edward Snowden tietovuotaja to be trapped in Russia.
 
According to the BBC Putin has refused to surrender to the United States Snowden. At the same time, however, Putin noted that Snowden may stay in Russia only if the stop data leakage.
 
-He came to our territory uninvited and Russia have been his goal. American standards of any country does not want him, so he is trapped, Putin said the BBC that.
 
Snowden said Friday she has applied for asylum in Russia. Russian authorities, the application is not filed.
 
Snowden has been a Moscow airport since the end of June. Originally, he was supposed to just change the flight in Moscow.

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Anthony-Claret Ifeanyi Onwutalobi

Anthony-Claret is a software Engineer, entrepreneur and the founder of Codewit INC. Mr. Claret publishes and manages the content on Codewit Word News website and associated websites. He's a writer, IT Expert, great administrator, technology enthusiast, social media lover and all around digital guy.
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Barack Obama: “The jury has spoken”

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United States of America Florida seething kind of neighborhood watch George Zimmerman received an acquittal due. Zimmerman shot to death 17-year-old black boy, a law had been to her. Zimmerman acquitted of all charges because he found to have acted in self-defense.
 
Peaceful protest marches took place on Sunday, including San Francisco, Philadelphia, Chicago, Washington and Atlanta. Oakland, California protesters lit fires and broke the windows.
 
President Obama acknowledged the case as a national tragedy, but urged people to remain calm.
 
-This is the rule of law and the jury has spoken, Obama summed up the BBC reported.
 
U.S. Department of Justice is considering a new prosecution against the fallen Zimmermann murder charges instead.

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Anthony-Claret Ifeanyi Onwutalobi

Anthony-Claret is a software Engineer, entrepreneur and the founder of Codewit INC. Mr. Claret publishes and manages the content on Codewit Word News website and associated websites. He's a writer, IT Expert, great administrator, technology enthusiast, social media lover and all around digital guy.
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