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Dear Bunmi
My husband’s problem is that he can’t stop himself staring at other women. That is how he was when we met and foolishly, I thought marriage would calm him down but it hasn’t after six years of marriage. His argument is that every man looks at other women, no matter how happily married he is, and that he is being open. But I hate hearing that another woman has great legs or fantastic boobs.
My husband knows I am upset by his attitude and even when he tries to stop commenting, I still catch him turning around mid-conservation to size up another woman’s backside. At one point, I decided to play him at his own games by making comments about other men’s looks, but it didn’t bother him.
He says he can’t understand why his behaviour makes me feel insecure, that he’s always telling me how great I look and says he’d never have married me if he wanted someone else. He believes he has the right to admire other women. When I make a fuss, he says I have a problem with my confidence and should get help.
Ijeoma,
by e-mail.
Dear Ijeoma,
We all look at other people occasionally. Whilst you should make him aware that his constant staring upsets you and he should modify it, you shouldn’t assume that your husband wants to make love with with these people. It’s like looking at a menu but don’t want to eat all that’s on offer. Your husband has given you no reason to believe he couldn’t be trusted in the company of other women as, according to him, he not only married you, he pays you compliments all the time.
I’m afraid you’ll have to put up with his look-but-don’t touch attitude towards the female sex as it’s obvious he means no harm.
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