Op ed

Please what is happening to Buhari’s body odor and language?

Shortly after the inauguration of President Buhari we read how his body whatever (some said language others odor) fixed refineries and gave steady power to our homes. The odor even purportedly arrested Deziani and recovered £13b from her in London. (Please we need to probe which of the president’s men is looting the recovered loot, I suspect Lying Muhammed because he was the first to see/smell the recovered £13b).

Please what is happening to presidential body odor?
I bought fuel at N100/liter and since Friday there is no public power supply to my house. I read early this morning that our refineries are operating at the lowest ever capacity in more than 16 years. Power generation has dropped nationally to the lowest level in 6 years.

The Nigerian economy has a gloom outlook largely because of the negative utterances of the President and his badly oriented men like the Cape Verde trained governor of Edo state whose mouth has been forced to remain permanently open to say what he knows and what he does not know.

I have never in my life witnessed a leader talking down his own country’s economy and yet wasting precious time and money flying all over the world to ask for foreign investment. You want people to invest in a country you told them is infested with corruption and ineptitude? Like seriously??

Does this President actually know that a wrong word from a President can totally collapse a modern economy? We are not operating a groundnut, cattle and cocoa economy and someone should tell the President quickly. May be he does not understand how much of the losses at the Nigerian stock exchange are due to his body odor and actual language. I thought we hired an experienced President? Did the years of solitude in Daura unteach the man or he is still in 1984 mental mode? Even with the computers they continue thrusting on his laps for photo-ops?

Let us look forward in hope.

Among the screened ministers are some of the best brains we have in this country. I firmly believe they will do their best to redirect this sinking ship. I am also hoping that one of them will be bold enough to literally hijack the executive arm from the midget of Kaduna and the loquacious Cape Verde graduate. Those two have contributed more than 40% to our current woes while the remainder was as a result of presidential loss of body odor.

Let’s produce more onions and help restore presidential body odor because we cannot afford for things to get worse than they are currently. The remaining onions can be used to spice up xmas stew. I want to wish people merry xmas and happy new year smiling. Not with a frown like I am doing currently.
If it will even help, I wish Nigeria more presidential body odor that will fix refineries, provide steady power supply and turn the economy round.

JOK

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