I’m in love with two guys -I need advice

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Read Time:3 Minute, 25 Second

I have a serious problem . I’m kind of in love with two different guys. One of the guys is quite a looker, he is absolutely a feast for the eyes. He is exactly my “type.” He always says hello to me when he sees me or stops for a minute, and he’s always smiling at me which I am told he doesn’t do for everybody. I also know that he’s currently seeing somebody but not seriously.

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Anthony Claret

Anthony-Claret is a software Engineer, entrepreneur and the founder of Codewit INC. Mr. Claret publishes and manages the content on Codewit Word News website and associated websites. He's a writer, IT Expert, great administrator, technology enthusiast, social media lover and all around digital guy.
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Kenny Badmus is Gay…and His Ex-wife Was Aware Before She Married Him

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Read Time:4 Minute, 55 Second

Kenny Badmus is Gay…and His Ex-wife Was Aware Before She Married Him Nigerian brand expert, and founder of Orange Academy, Kenny Badmus, has revealed he is gay.

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Anthony Claret

Anthony-Claret is a software Engineer, entrepreneur and the founder of Codewit INC. Mr. Claret publishes and manages the content on Codewit Word News website and associated websites. He's a writer, IT Expert, great administrator, technology enthusiast, social media lover and all around digital guy.
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Lagos Court Dissolves 18 Year Marriage Over Wife’s Frequent Partying

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An Igando Customary Court in Lagos on Tuesday dissolved the 18-year-old marriage between Olukayode Atolagbe and his wife, Bisi over her frequent partying.

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Anthony Claret

Anthony-Claret is a software Engineer, entrepreneur and the founder of Codewit INC. Mr. Claret publishes and manages the content on Codewit Word News website and associated websites. He's a writer, IT Expert, great administrator, technology enthusiast, social media lover and all around digital guy.
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BIZARRE: Why I Made My Husband Impotent – Woman

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A middle-age childless housewife in Ekwuoma community, Delta State, identified as Mama Patience, has allegedly rendered her husband, a 62-year-old farmer, impotent after she reportedly fed him with a prepared concoction.

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Anthony Claret

Anthony-Claret is a software Engineer, entrepreneur and the founder of Codewit INC. Mr. Claret publishes and manages the content on Codewit Word News website and associated websites. He's a writer, IT Expert, great administrator, technology enthusiast, social media lover and all around digital guy.
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Seven months pregnant woman dies in hotel room after marathon sex in Onitsha

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While residents of the commercial city of Onitsha in Anambra State were yet to come to terms with the death of the senior prefect of a post-secondary school after a junior student slapped him with a magic ring, another tragedy has befallen the commercial city as a pregnant woman allegedly died after a sex romp in a hotel room.

A man (names withheld) had allegedly taken the woman with seven months pregnancy to a hotel in Inland town area of the commercial city and the hotel staff discovered that the woman was dead the next morning.

The suspect, who is now in police custody, allegedly checked into the hotel on Wednesday with the heavily pregnant woman for an all night sex escapade but the woman failed to wake up yesterday morning.

Though the Onitsha Area Police Command declined details of the incident, a resident of the area, who lives near the hotel, said the suspect and the deceased were just lovebirds.

“I woke up and discovered that policemen from Inland town, led by the Divisional Police Officer, Mr. Cosmas Eze, were everywhere around our street. What came to my mind was maybe, they received a distress call that a criminal was in the hotel. But on closer enquiry, I saw the policemen bringing out a dead body wrapped with bedspread. That was when I became more interested in the story and I discovered that the corpse that was taken away by the police was actually that of a pregnant woman who had lodged in the hotel with her lover.

The state Police Public Relations Officer (PPRO), Mr. Uche Eze, confirmed the incident, adding that the suspect had been arrested and the case transferred to the State Criminal Investigation Department (SCID) in Awka for further investigations.

About Post Author

Anthony Claret

Anthony-Claret is a software Engineer, entrepreneur and the founder of Codewit INC. Mr. Claret publishes and manages the content on Codewit Word News website and associated websites. He's a writer, IT Expert, great administrator, technology enthusiast, social media lover and all around digital guy.
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6 things the happiest families all have in common

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Read Time:11 Minute, 0 Second

Research shows that the number one predictor of a child's emotional well-being was whether they knew their family history Sit down for a meal together, get up a little happier.  

Family life is hectic. Most of us play it by ear and hope it works out well.

Or maybe you haven't started a family yet but when you do you want to do it right.

Aren't there some legit answers out there about what creates the happiest families? Yes, there are.

To get the facts I called Bruce Feiler, author of the New York Times bestseller, The Secrets of Happy Families.

When writing his book, Bruce knew there were answers already out there — but not necessarily where we'd expect.

He found solutions to common family problems in business theory, Harvard negotiation techniques, and even by talking to Green Berets.

Below you'll learn:

  1. The number one predictor of your child's emotional well-being.
  2. The number one predictor of their academic achievement — and behavior problems.
  3. And the simple thing that steers kids away from drugs, toward better grades, and even improves their self-esteem. And more.

Here's what makes strong, happy families:

1) Create a family mission statement

I asked Bruce what he would recommend if he could only give one piece of advice.

He said: "Set aside time to talk about what it means to be a part of your family."

Ask: "What are your family values?" In business-speak: Develop a mission statement for your family.

Here's Bruce:

Initiate a conversation about what it means to be a part of your family. Sit down with them and say "Okay, these are our ten central values."

"This is the family we want to be. We want to be a family that doesn't fight all the time." or "We want to be a family that goes camping or sailing" or whatever it might be.

When my family did it, it was literally a transforming experience. We ended up printing it and it hangs now in our dining room.

Does "defining values" seem too big and intimidating? It's really nothing more than setting goals.

Here's Bruce:

Did we do every one of those things every day, every week, every month? No, that's not that point. But the point is, when it goes wrong, you have that goal out there. "We want to be a family that has fun together. Have we made time to play recently? No, we don't. So let's make time to play. Let's go bowling or hiking or roller skating."

You have goals at work. You have personal goals. Why wouldn't you have goals as a family?

(For more on the science of happy families, click here.)

So you and your family discussed your values and came up with a mission statement. What other thing did Bruce say was vital?

Like the mission statement, it's another story. But it's not about the future — it's about the past.

2) Share your family history

(iStock)

Research shows whether a kid knows their family history was the number one predictor of a child's emotional well-being.

Here's Bruce:

…researchers at Emory did this study that showed that the kids who know more about their family history had a greater belief that they could control their world and a higher degree of self-confidence. It was the number one predictor of a child's emotional well-being.

And research confirms that meaning in life is all about the stories we tell ourselves.

But here's what's really interesting: recounting your family history is not just telling kids, "Our family is awesome."

Recounting the tough times, the challenges your family faced and overcame, is key.

Here's Bruce:

Understanding that people have natural ups and downs allows kids to know that they too will have ups and downs. It gives them the confidence to believe that they can push through them. It gives them role models that show your family's values in practice.

(For more on how to make your kids smarter, click here.)

Mission statements, family history… that's a lot of talking. When is all this supposed to happen? Whenever you get around to it? No way.

3) Hold weekly family meetings

You're not mom or dad anymore — you're now co-CEO's. To find the way to keep a family improving, Bruce turned to the world of business.

Your family needs a weekly board meeting with all the shareholders present. Sound cold and clinical? Wrong.

Bruce's wife says it's one of the best things they've done to make their own family life happier.

It's not complicated and it only takes 20 minutes, once a week.

Here's Bruce:

We basically ask three questions. What worked well this week, what didn't work well this week, and what will we agree to work on in the week ahead?

And if the kids meet the goal, they get to help pick a reward. And if they don't, they get to help pick a punishment. They don't do it without us, but we all do it in consultation.

Bruce did a TED talk explaining in detail how techniques from the business world, like meetings, can improve our families:

(For more on how to raise happy kids, click here.)

So your family has a mission, a shared history and you're meeting regularly. This is great because everyone is talking, which is crucial.

But what inevitably comes with talking a lot? Arguing. It's normal and natural and that's okay.

But you have to have rules so it isn't a path to hurt feelings and homicide investigations. What's the proper way to argue?

4) How to fight right

(iStock)

Bruce wanted to find the best way to resolve disputes — so he didn't turn to books about families, he turned to a pro.

Bill Ury is co-founder of the Project on Negotiation at Harvard Law School and co-author of the classic, Getting To Yes,

What can one of the best negotiators teach families about resolving those inevitable everyday squabbles of life?

Bruce outlines three key steps:

Number one, "Separate everybody." In negotiation speak; this is "Go to the balcony." Take a moment where you look back on the fight as if it were on a stage and you're on the balcony and say "Okay, what's really going on here?" This reduces emotions like anger.

Second, we ask our kids to come up with three alternatives. In negotiation speak; this is "Expand the pie before you divide the pie."

Bruce admits this part can be tricky. But you need to make it clear nobody is leaving the table until there are three options.

The third stage is "Bring people back together." In negotiation speak; this is "Build the golden bridge of the future."

Have the kids pick one of the three that they like best. What's key is that the children created the alternatives and agreed on the best solution.

As Bruce explains in his book, when kids get a say, it works out better for everyone. Don't be a dictator unless you have to.

(To learn how how you can resolve conflict with lessons from FBI hostage negotiators, click here.)

So mission statements, family meetings, and fighting right are great — but what keeps a family together day to day?

5) Have family dinner together… any time of the day

Research shows having dinner as a family makes a huge difference in children's lives.

As Bruce writes in his book, The Secrets of Happy Families:

A recent wave of research shows that children who eat dinner with their families are less likely to drink, smoke, do drugs, get pregnant, commit suicide, and develop eating disorders. Additional research found that children who enjoy family meals have larger vocabularies, better manners, healthier diets, and higher self-esteem. The most comprehensive survey done on this topic, a University of Michigan report that examined how American children spent their time between 1981 and 1997, discovered that the amount of time children spent eating meals at home was the single biggest predictor of better academic achievement and fewer behavioral problems. Mealtime was more influential than time spent in school, studying, attending religious services, or playing sports.

I know what many of you are thinking: Our schedules are crazy. It's too hard to get everyone together. We can't do it every night.

And that's 100 percent okay. "Dinner" isn't the important part. All that matters is that time together, whenever it is.

And it doesn't even have to be that much time. How much real conversation happens at family dinner? 10 minutes.

As Bruce likes to say, the rest of the talking is "Take your elbows off the table" and "Please pass the ketchup."

What's the best way to make use of those 10 minutes? Here's Bruce:

So number one, the first big thing to be aware of is that parents do two-thirds of the talking in that ten minutes. And that's a problem.

So your first goal should be to flip that and let the kids do more of the talking. So that would be issue number one.

Number two, I would say a great thing to do in that ten minutes is to try to teach your kid a new word every day. There's a tremendous amount of evidence out there that one of the biggest determinants of success in school has to do with the size of vocabulary.

(For more research-based parenting techniques, click here.)

Mission statements, family history, meetings, fighting right, dinners… That's a lot to do. Heck, it's a lot to just remember.

What's Bruce's recommendation to the family that's already strapped for time? What overarching theme can we see in all of these tips?

6) Just try

Ask anyone if they want to make their family happier and, of course, they'll say yes.

Then ask how many hours they've actively invested in that goal over the past month. I'm guessing the reply is going to be "Ummmmm…"

Reading about improving your family is only the first step. But the second step isn't all that much harder: Try.

Here's Bruce:

We know if we want to improve in our career, we have to work at it. And yet, we don't do that with our family life. We sort of say "It's the end of the line, they'll always be there. It's always going to be stressful. I'll just deal." Well, no.

If we work with our families and take small steps to try and make them better, we actually can make our families happier. And in the process, we can make every member of our family happier. So what's the secret to a happy family? Try.

And the research backs Bruce up.

Studies show improving any relationship is as easy as actively showing interest in the other person or sharing with them.

In fact, pretending time with your romantic partner is a first date makes it more enjoyable for you and for them. Why?

On first dates we make an effort. And that's the secret here too: don't just think about it, invest time and energy.

(For three of the most counterintutiive lessons on being a great parent, click here.)

So how do we tie all this together?

Sum up

Here are Bruce's 6 tips:

    1. Create a family mission statement
    2. Share your family history
    3. Hold weekly family meetings
    4. Fight right
    5. Have family dinner together… any time of the day
    6. Just try

Families come in all different shapes and sizes these days and the world moves a lot faster than it once did. But don't fret.

Research shows that anyone can have a happy family.

Researchers have found that a loving family life can be created among any group of people. Long-term studies comparing adopted children to children raised by their biological parents find little difference in the children's feelings on family life, and no difference in their ability to enjoy good relationships with peers. – Neiheiser 2001 [100 Simple Secrets of Happy Families]

About Post Author

Anthony Claret

Anthony-Claret is a software Engineer, entrepreneur and the founder of Codewit INC. Mr. Claret publishes and manages the content on Codewit Word News website and associated websites. He's a writer, IT Expert, great administrator, technology enthusiast, social media lover and all around digital guy.
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Georgia Father Was Sexting While His Son Died in Hot Car

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Read Time:1 Minute, 29 Second

Justin Ross Harris, the Georgia man who left his 22-month-old son in a hot car for seven hours last month, was sexting six different women while his son died. Ross sent photos of his "exposed … erect penis" to the women over the Kik messaging app, Detective Phil Stoddard testified in court. And, because one of the girls was 17 years old, Ross may also face charges for "felony sexual exploitation of a minor and misdemeanor illegal contact with a minor," according to CNN.

Harris was in court to determine if he'd be granted bail and whether his case would go forward. The hearing was set to determine probable cause, which is why the judge allowed testimony on Ross's sexting.

Harris is charged with the June 18 death of his son Cooper, who he claims he forgot to drop off at day care that morning. Witnesses said they saw Harris run out of the car and shout "Oh, my God, what have I done?" when he discovered his son's body seven hours later. On June 28, however, a search warrant found that Harris has researched children dying in cars and how hot it needs to be for that to happen. His wife also researched children dying in cars, and told police that she'd researched car deaths because it was a fear of hers. Stoddard testified that the Harris family was having financial trouble and had two insurance policies on Cooper, one for $2,000 and one for $25,000. Friends of the Harrises, however, said Justin was a loving father. "He loved showing Cooper off to everybody," one man said. "He was always happy. Cooper was always smiling."

About Post Author

Anthony Claret

Anthony-Claret is a software Engineer, entrepreneur and the founder of Codewit INC. Mr. Claret publishes and manages the content on Codewit Word News website and associated websites. He's a writer, IT Expert, great administrator, technology enthusiast, social media lover and all around digital guy.
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60-year old Nigerian woman gives birth through IVF

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31 years after, There is good news for women who think age is a barrier to conception.

A woman said to be 60 has just been delivered of a baby at a Lagos hospital. according to a report n Nation Newspaper

For 31 years, Mrs Omolara Irurhe was globetrotting not for pleasure but in search of a child.   She was a guest in the best hospitals.

But in 2010, her journey ended in the most unlikely hospital and country when she began an Invitro Fertilization (IVF) treatment at the St. Ives Hospital in Lagos. On Monday, what began as a seed hope four years ago culminated in the delievery of a bouncing baby girl.

Mrs. Irurhe  becomes the oldest IVF mother in Africa. The global recognition for oldest IVF delivery goes to Rajo Deri Lohan, an Indian who in 2008 was delivered of a baby at 69 years.

The IVF Unit at St. Ives Hospital successfully aided the conception and delivery of the baby and has now equaled the United Kingdom’s record of IVF age delivery.

The team of doctors at the hospital was led by the Chief Medical Director, Dr. Tunde Okewale, who expressed joy at the successful delivery. Okewale said the physical condition of the mother – and not just the age – is a major factor that determines the success of conception and delivery through IVF.

“We treat only after strict medical check of couples. For us, age is not important in our decision to take her on; what was important is the physical condition of the mother. Older women generally make better patients in our experience,” Okewale said.

When The Nation spoke to the new mother, she was full of enthusiasm and joy over her new baby. She said what kept her going after many years of childlessness was faith in God and a belief in herself.

Mrs. Irurhe said she had tried to have a baby for many years and had gone to many hospitals both within and outside the country for a solution to her childlessness. But in 2010, her journey came to an end when she was introduced to St. Ives Hospital and the treatment began.

“I believe we should not limit God and what the doctors can do in this modern age. I believe this is the appointed time. I was very hopeful throughout the years I was childless and I remained focused on God. We went to many hospitals but we didn’t give up,” she said.

The joyful mother said her husband’s Catholic faith prevented him from marrying a second wife as the two of them put their faith in God.

“We didn’t have much pressure, even though our marriage is cross cultural –I am Yoruba; my husband is Edo- but we remained hopeful,” she said.

Desmond Adekunle Irurhe was elated at the birth of his baby. When asked if she supported his wife going for the IVF he replied: “ I supported her throughout because my wife was dogged and she believed in herself. When I saw her faith, I had no choice but to go with her. She kept telling me she would have her child”.

The husband said even though there was some pressures, it wasn’t too much. “I wasn’t thinking of another wife. I came from a monogamous family and I decided she is all I will have. The family was understanding too and we fought together to get this baby.”

Irurhe praised the medical team at the hospital, saying they made everything easy for them. “ The hospital didn’t give us any problem, they were very helpful and we thank them for the successful delivery.”

With the successful delivery, hope rises for older women who may want to go the way of IVF in child conception. In Nigeria, the cost of the IVF treatment varies but from available statistics, the most expensive treatment is under N2million. The Iruhres paid less than N1 million for their successful treatment.

“I will advise couples who are trying to get a baby to try the IVF. My case has rekindled hope for the barren woman. I will say the couple should relax and take it as it comes, they will surely smile,” the mother said.

Having a first child at the age of 60 years may not be the norm but for the mother, it is an experience she does not mind going through again. “ I don’t know if I will have another baby, but if the doctors say I can, I will try it,” she said, smilling.

Mrs. Omolara Irurhe: We have tried for many years to have a baby and after we failed to get a baby naturally we opted for the IVF. We had gone to many hospitals before here but the treatments that we received didn’t work. We came in contact with this hospital in 2010 before we delivered this baby.
“I give glory to God, we kept our faith in God, we believe this is God’s appointed time.

 

About Post Author

Anthony Claret

Anthony-Claret is a software Engineer, entrepreneur and the founder of Codewit INC. Mr. Claret publishes and manages the content on Codewit Word News website and associated websites. He's a writer, IT Expert, great administrator, technology enthusiast, social media lover and all around digital guy.
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Why You Shouldn’t Live with Him Before Marriage

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Most couples live together, to save money and for convenience. Living together offers a real-life compatibility test, to boot! But here's why you should think twice if you want that ring. From Love Him or Leave Him, But Don't Get Stuck with the Tab.

Dear Loni,

My mother says if I move in with my boyfriend, he'll never marry me. Is she right?

Signed, Boxes Are Packed

Dear Packed,

Your mom doesn't want you shacking up with someone because you're her baby and she is trying to protect you. You know the saying "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" Your mother is trying to keep you from being a cow . . . a mad cow, that is.

If marriage is your goal, then your mom is right: you need to be very careful about moving in together, because once a girlfriend moves in, it's very easy for her to start acting like a wife. And if you play the role without a ring, you're in big trouble.

My friend Cathy had been dating Jim for two years when Jim suggested they move in together. Cathy thought living together would be a perfect way for her to show him how wonderful his life would be if the two of them got married. As soon as she moved in, Cathy went into "wife mode," cooking and cleaning and doing Jim's laundry. She spent all her social time with Jim's friends and family. She opened a joint bank account and tried sexual positions she had promised herself she would only do when she was married. After two years, it occurred to Cathy that maybe Jim hadn't proposed because he was getting the milk for free. So Cathy went on strike and started acting like a roommate instead of a spouse.

Cathy would make herself lavish dinners for one and hand Jim the stack of takeout menus. When Jim had a hard day at work, she would pretend to listen to him complain while texting her friends about what to wear to the club. When Jim's mom came over for a visit, Cathy would leave. After three months of Cathy's friend-with-no-benefits behavior, Jim had had enough. He wanted his wifey back, but this time he knew he had to do it her way. He proposed, and now the two of them have been happily married for five years. The moral of the story is, if you want to be married, don't act like a wife until you've got that ring on your finger.

About Post Author

Anthony Claret

Anthony-Claret is a software Engineer, entrepreneur and the founder of Codewit INC. Mr. Claret publishes and manages the content on Codewit Word News website and associated websites. He's a writer, IT Expert, great administrator, technology enthusiast, social media lover and all around digital guy.
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Coping with Erectile Dysfunction

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Read Time:2 Minute, 18 Second

Erectile Dysfunction, or inability to consistently attain or sustain an erection sufficient for satisfactory sexual performance occurs commonly and there may be need to get help if it lasts longer than two months or is recurring. It is a concern if the man has diabetes, heart disease or other health factors that can affect erectile function.

Is it normal?
Most males, at some point in their lives, will have difficulty getting or keeping an erection. This is normal in males of all age groups, not just older men.

Why it happens
Due to the increase of available prescription medications to treat erectile dysfunction, many people believe that ED is almost always caused by a physical or medical problem. But for most young persons  who are healthy, erectile problems are usually the result of issues that are interpersonal (having to do with the relationship), situational or emotional in nature. If a man is able to get and maintain an erection during masturbation, it is unlikely that the cause of erectile problems is physical or medical.

Many factors can influence a man’s ability to get or maintain an erection. Erectile functioning is complex, and combines cognitive, behavioral, emotional, social, and physical features.

The most common causes include anxiety (work, school); stress; Fatigue; Sexual problems are often rooted in relationship problems (power, trust, intimacy). Feelings about partner (can influence sexual response). Depression affects sexual desire; too much alcohol may alter sexual response, causing anxiety about attaining an erection in the future.
Other causes are medications  diabetes. hormone deficiency, smoking and diet, are contributing factors.

How erections work
Three steps need to take place in order for the erection to occur, and then be maintained. First is sexual arousal. The second step is the brain’s communication of the sexual arousal to the body’s nervous system (which activates the blood flow).

Thirdly, a relaxation of the blood vessels that supply blood must occur, allowing the erection to take place. If something affects any of these three steps, arousal, nervous system response or the vascular system response or the interplay between them, erectile dysfunction can result.

Myths
Men are always capable of having sex – Feeling tired or having concerns about schoolwork or family can affect the degree of a man’s desire and sexual functioning. Men should not attempt intercourse if they are not in the mood.

Alcohol use causes erectile problems – While it is true that consuming too much alcohol can affect a man’s ability to get an erection, this doesn’t always happen and is usually the case with high doses of alcohol. For some men, particularly young men, alcohol use can reduce anxiety and actually facilitate erections.

About Post Author

Anthony Claret

Anthony-Claret is a software Engineer, entrepreneur and the founder of Codewit INC. Mr. Claret publishes and manages the content on Codewit Word News website and associated websites. He's a writer, IT Expert, great administrator, technology enthusiast, social media lover and all around digital guy.
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