Public Condemnation vs. Private Struggles: A Psychological Lens on Online Morality

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In an age where social media platforms have become the courtrooms of public opinion, it’s increasingly common to witness individuals who loudly condemn the very things they may struggle with privately. This paradox — where people aggressively judge others for behaviors they themselves engage in or secretly identify with — is not new. But in the digital era, it’s more visible and often amplified.

The Psychology of Projection

One of the most recognized explanations for this behavior is psychological projection — a defense mechanism in which individuals deny or repress qualities, feelings, or desires within themselves, and instead see those qualities in others. For instance, someone who harbors repressed desires or shame over a particular lifestyle may lash out publicly at others who openly live that way.

This projection can serve multiple subconscious functions:

To protect one’s own self-image
To align with social or religious expectations
To distance themselves from stigmatized groups or behaviors

In essence, the louder the condemnation, the more likely it may reflect an internal conflict.

Hypocrisy or Survival Mechanism?

In deeply conservative or judgmental societies — such as many parts of Nigeria — certain behaviors (e.g., homosexuality, sex work, unconventional dressing) are not just frowned upon but criminalized or demonized. In such environments, individuals who privately engage in these behaviors may feel intense pressure to overperform moral standards publicly, just to avoid suspicion.

This creates a tragic cycle:

An individual indulges privately in something seen as shameful
Fears exposure or social exclusion
Publicly condemns others who do the same
Gains approval or clout, reinforcing the behavior

It’s not always about hypocrisy. Sometimes, it’s about survival — especially when one’s livelihood, social standing, or safety depends on appearing “clean” or “moral.”

Masculinity, Queerness, and Visibility in Nigeria

Let’s take another angle: performative masculinity. In Nigeria, traditional masculinity is strict, and deviation from it — like wearing earrings, braiding hair, expressing emotion, or dressing in “feminine” ways — often sparks accusations of queerness, weakness, or moral corruption.

Ironically, many social media influencers who present hyper-masculine or hyper-religious personas may:

Style themselves with queer-coded aesthetics
Participate in or promote sexually charged content
Objectify themselves for male and female audiences alike

In some cases, these public figures admit to doing certain things for money — stripping, “massages,” or sexual favors — while later condemning others who embrace similar identities. This inconsistency is a classic example of moral distancing, where someone attempts to separate themselves from stigma even while navigating the same space.

Why Society Enables This

Society often rewards these contradictions:

Outrage and condemnation generate more engagement
Many followers are also struggling with their own double lives, so they cheer for someone who seems to “fight sin” while also being “real”
Clout and controversy drive visibility, monetization, and influence

This makes it hard to tell who truly believes what — and whether the outrage is genuine or strategic.

What We Can Learn

Instead of focusing on exposing or shaming individuals for their contradictions, we can take a broader look at how repression, shame, and double standards shape public discourse. Here are some takeaways:

Authenticity is rare in performative spaces, especially when survival depends on public approval.
Empathy is essential, especially for people who grew up in environments where being different meant being punished.
Cultural reform is more powerful than personal attacks — we must build a society where people are free to live in truth without fear.