As I write you this mail, my home is boiling. Seven years out of my eight years of marriage, my home has known no peace.
I am from Abia, while my husband is from Anambra.
We had cause to live with five of my husbandâ€™s siblings at once and it had been hell living with them and witnessing several characters. A situation, where they will like to dictate what happens in my home, what to cook, who goes to which school and all that. To worsen it, the young man among them has a recurring mental illness, and each time it happens, accusing fingers are pointed at me as the cause of his problem; for causing irritation in the home when I am actually reacting to their suppression in my home. They often hold meetings on how to deal with me.
All these years have been that of tears, with my husband focusing on his siblings while I struggle to give my children the best I can afford. None of his siblings appreciate the cost of footing the medical bill of the young man, while still struggling to put food on the table.
The recent trouble started with my husbandâ€™s niece fighting me and my husbandâ€™s insistence that she goes to visit her father for a week as punishment for her misdemeanour. Rather than going to my husband to discuss and plead, they (the brother and sister) resorted to verbal abuse on my person. This did not go down with me and I had to give it to the young man, word for word, due to the fact that he had earlier poured invectives on me without any response from me. My offence was that I phoned some close relatives when I overheard him talking in the night thinking that he was mentally sick again, going by his history.
I only wept my heart out because he said some unbelievable words, which tallied with what some prayer warriors said that the stagnancy in my life has to do with my husbandâ€™s siblings. I have tried to improve my relationship with him and the other siblings but have failed because if you offend one, you offend all and the younger ones are careless with chores.
He was bitter after the battle of words as he took every word to heart while I disregarded his insults, abuses and name callings.
A month after this incident, his mental problems started all over again. As usual, his sisters started their accusations all over again. Ironically, when he recovers, they still bring him back to my house.
Agatha, I admit, I feel threatened by the presence of this man in our lives. My children are all girls and if his attitude of trying to be in control of everything is anything to go by, I fear for my children. He is always in the habit of taking things without asking for permission.
No doubt, I have a temper, but I am trying my best to work on it as well as accommodate them in my life as their presence in my home is inevitable. I have resigned myself to prayers and consolations that one day they would all leave my home for theirs so that I can reap the joy of matrimony which other women enjoy.
I encouraged my husband to raise funds to establish businesses for the older ones while I take charge of the home front and it has been years of spending every bit of my earnings to sustain our large family.
I have had enough of their problems and insolence. I desire peace. I donâ€™t think they should dictate what happens in my home. They see nothing good in me, even the one I got a job for. Every little thing in my home is amplified when relating it to their elder sister in the north who in turn gives them all her support. For how long, can I continue with this battle or have peace in my home?