Orville to break historic links with Keith Harris

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Shit eighties puppet Orville The Duck is to renegotiate his historic relationship with has-been ventriloquist Keith Harris, according to reports.
 
In a speech on Tuesday, Orville will call for a new system of ventriloquism which is “open, transparent and trusted” and does not rely on the viewer being easily distracted.
 
Orville has faced open criticism from those within the entertainment industry who accuse him of being nothing more than a mouthpiece for Harris’ poor jokes.
 
“What we saw back then is part of the death throes of the old ventriloquism”, Orville said.
 
“Keith with his hand up my arse calling all the shots. It is a symbol of all that is wrong with ventriloquism.”
 
“Every time I talk you can see Keith’s fucking gob flapping away – that has got to stop.”
 
“We need to move away from the closed shop system of ‘one puppet one ventriloquist’ as exemplified by Ray Allen and Lord Charles or Bob Carol-Gees and Spit The Dog.”
 
Key relationship to change
 
Orville fan Simon Williams said, “In fairness to Keith, he did try to break out of the mould by introducing Cuddles the Monkey, but unfortunately the entire act was a steaming pile of wank which struggled with the letter B.”
 
Harris, meanwhile, has advised Orville against severing his links completely, insisting it may not be possible for him to sit upright without assistance.
 
Harris said, “A Top Ten hit, the Prestatyn branch of Pontins sold out for two consecutive nights – none of this would have been possible without me.”
 
“At least I’m not a paedo,” he added.
 
“And let’s face it – I had plenty of opportunities.”
 
SOURCE: newsthump

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Anthony-Claret Ifeanyi Onwutalobi

Anthony-Claret is a software Engineer, entrepreneur and the founder of Codewit INC. Mr. Claret publishes and manages the content on Codewit Word News website and associated websites. He's a writer, IT Expert, great administrator, technology enthusiast, social media lover and all around digital guy.
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Research shows toddlers who sleep in four-poster beds ‘more likely to go to Eton’

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Researchers have made a startling discovery about how a child’s academic prospects might be improved: they’ve found a link between sleeping in a castle, and then Going On To Eton.
 
Until now, little research has been carried out into how going to bed early with a belly-full of swan can affect a child’s cognitive abilities – but these latest findings show it doesn’t matter, because they have a lot of money.
 
Charles Frisham thinks there could be a direct correlation between being tucked into a four-poster bed by a butler, and growing up thinking it’s acceptable to wear red trousers and a blazer.
 
“My team and I spent several months studying the bed-time habits of the under-5s”, said Frisham.
 
“Although we concentrated on the big houses in the end, because some of the small ones were quite grubby.”
 
Child academic research
 
Frisham also proved a link between consuming microwave burgers and blue pop, and not going to a half-decent prep school.
 
“Worse still is the damage done by parents that don’t make you go to bed before midnight because they’ve been drinking White Lightning all afternoon”, said Frisham.
 
“With that sort of routine you’re 85% more likely to end up in a school where the only apparatus on the playground is a burnt-out Subaru Impreza.”
 
Frisham claimed just a few simple changes could help improve the prospects of a toddler.
 
“It’s the little things that make a difference”, he explained. “Having a nanny, owning a few ponies or being on the civil list.”
 
Frisham believes that every parent can give their offspring the best start in life, if they move to Chipping Norton and make an effort with the neighbours.
 
“Who knows, one day your child could be doing something really meaningful with their life”, he suggested.
 
“Such as carrying out research projects into the Incredibly Fucking Obvious.”
 
SOURCE: newsthump

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Anthony-Claret Ifeanyi Onwutalobi

Anthony-Claret is a software Engineer, entrepreneur and the founder of Codewit INC. Mr. Claret publishes and manages the content on Codewit Word News website and associated websites. He's a writer, IT Expert, great administrator, technology enthusiast, social media lover and all around digital guy.
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Fred’s Science Museum Closes After Three Months

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WOBURN, Mass. (CAP) – After opening to much fanfare in the local press, "Fred's Museum of Science" – billed as a less expensive suburban alternative to the Boston Museum of Science – has gone out of business, confirms owner Fred Prywatki.
 
Prywatki opened the museum three months ago with his brother-in-law, Carl Reinhardt, and financed it with profits from his used car dealership, Prywatki Kia of Pittsfield.
 
"We were trying to show that you could have a fun, family-friendly, successful museum of science without a bunch of fancy foundations or an affiliation with MIT," said Prywatki. "It turns out we may have been wrong about that."
 
Located in the Cummings Office Park in Woburn, Mass., about 11 miles north of Boston, Prywatki and Reinhardt billed the museum as "2,000 Square Feet of Scien-Terrific!" But despite offering several amenities unavailable at the Boston Museum of Science – including free parking and Pizza Hut coupons with each admission – Fred's had trouble competing with attractions like the Hayden Planetarium, the Mugar Omni IMAX theater and a dinosaur exhibit featuring a life-sized, scientifically accurate Tyrannosaurus Rex.
 
In contrast, Fred's dinosaur exhibit featured a Barney the Purple Dinosaur costume positioned on a pedestal with arms outstretched, accompanied by a placard explaining how a real dinosaur would have been different. ("Did you know that actual dinosaurs didn't have googly eyes?" it reads in part.)
 
The museum was also at the center of several controversies during its short existence, such as when the Barney outfit in question – billed as having been worn by the original TV Barney, David Joyner – was revealed as having been a knockoff from a children's party store. "The first tip-off was that the suit was blue," noted Barney the Purple Dinosaur historian Francis Rudnick.
 
Prywatki also found himself at the center of several lawsuits, such as when more than a dozen children were injured by falling apples in "Newton's House of Gravity." The museum also came under fire for its exhibit entitled "Bees": Unlike the Boston Museum of Science exhibit of the same name, which features a glassed-in beehive that allows visitors to observe bees in their natural setting, Fred's exhibit was just a room full of loose bees, many of them angry.
 
"We failed to take into account potential allergy issues," admitted Prywatki.
 
Disaster was averted on the exhibit's opening day, when a school nurse at the museum on a field trip treated stung children with an EpiPen she had brought with her in case of emergency. "There were kids on the floor blowing up like balloons, and he's there offering them Pizza Hut coupons," said nurse Patti Johansen, referring to Prywatki. "Idiot."
 
The city of Woburn had apparently had high hopes for Fred's Museum of Science — on the day it opened, the Woburn Daily Times Chronicle featured a front-page photo of Mayor Scott D. Galvin cutting the ribbon for the museum, accompanied by state Sen. James Dwyer, playwright and Woburn native Eric Bogosian, and Prywatki and Reinhardt, both dressed as amoebas.
 
"We should have guessed something was amiss when we saw the amoeba costumes were made of Hefty garbage bags with paper plates glued to them," said Galvin this week.
 
"Idiots," added Bogosian.
 
For his part, Prywatki says the final straw was an incident at the museum last week in "Edison's Electricity Hut" involving a curling iron and a tub full of water. "I just couldn't justify keeping it open after that," said Prywatki. "And I'm sure my brother-in-law would agree with me, if he ever comes out of the coma."
 
SOURCE: cap-news

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Anthony-Claret Ifeanyi Onwutalobi

Anthony-Claret is a software Engineer, entrepreneur and the founder of Codewit INC. Mr. Claret publishes and manages the content on Codewit Word News website and associated websites. He's a writer, IT Expert, great administrator, technology enthusiast, social media lover and all around digital guy.
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Venezuela, Nicaragua, and Bolivia offer asylum to George Zimmerman

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Following the conclusion of his murder trial, George Zimmerman was offered asylum by the South American countries of Venezuela, Nicaragua and Bolivia. The nations have each declared that Zimmerman can take immediate residency in their lands without any fear of reprisal.
 
“Mr. Zimmerman is welcome in our country,” said Nicaraguan Secretary of International Law Manuel Rosario. “We would like the international community to see that Nicaragua is a major player in the world’s asylum seeker scene. You don’t have to go all the way to Russia to have protection. We also have much nicer weather and your dollar will go much further.”
 
The Bolivian government was first to offer Zimmerman asylum, sending a diplomatic envoy to Florida before he was even charged. “There are many reasons we seek to shelter those who want asylum,” said Bolivian Vice President Álvaro García Linera. “But in this case, the overwhelming reason is a shortage of well-suited mall cops in our country. We thought that if we brought Mr. Zimmerman to Bolivia, the quasi-security elite of the world would quickly follow, and we would have the safest food courts in the continent.”
 
Russian President Vladimir Putin, who is considering granting asylum status to American leaker Edward Snowden, has warned the South American countries to be careful what they wish for. “Keeping an American in asylum status isn’t easy,” explained Putin. “I don’t think anyone realizes how much the average American needs to eat in a day. We’re gonna go broke trying to make sure this guy gets enough junk food to make it through a day without collapsing. And the Zimmerman character, he looks like he might be even tubbier.”
 
“Mr. Zimmerman, on our soil you can breathe free,” said Venezuelan State Department official Carlos Alvarez. “You can rest assured that, even though you have been declared not guilty, you can live a life in Venezuela free from the worst of all persecutions: being pestered by cable news talk show hosts.”
 
SOURCE: derfmagazine

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Anthony-Claret Ifeanyi Onwutalobi

Anthony-Claret is a software Engineer, entrepreneur and the founder of Codewit INC. Mr. Claret publishes and manages the content on Codewit Word News website and associated websites. He's a writer, IT Expert, great administrator, technology enthusiast, social media lover and all around digital guy.
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Facebook Admits Breach Showed All Our Boring Crap

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SAN FRANCISCO (CAP) – Facebook Inc. has inadvertently exposed 6 million users' boring crap to unauthorized viewers over the past year, the world's largest social networking company disclosed this week.
 
Facebook blamed the leaks, which began in 2012, on a technical glitch in its massive data archive. As a result of the glitch, Facebook users used to seeing their friends' boring crap also saw boring crap that had been posted by non-friends.
 
A Facebook spokesman said the delay in disclosing the breach was due to company procedure stipulating that the users whose boring crap had been breached be notified that others had seen their stupid memes, offensive political jokes, blatant plugs and pictures of their kids and pets that they thought were incredibly adorable but that, in reality, were just kind of meh.
 
"We currently have no evidence that this bug has been exploited maliciously and we have not received complaints from users, who couldn't tell the strange boring crap from the boring crap they usually get," Facebook said on its blog. This is likely because, according to a recent study, users don't really know upwards of 70 percent of their Facebook friends, and many of them may not even actually exist.
 
"But they'd have to exist to have crap that boring," noted study participant Marc Hurwitz, whose Facebook page Stop Posting Your Boring Crap has more than 3 million 'Likes,' even more than his next most popular page, I Desperately Want Hugh Jackman to be Gay.
 
In related news, the breach also exposed the users emails and phone numbers, but no one seemed fazed by that, noting that the government already has all that information. "I've said it before and I'll say it again: It's a good thing most of our users are stupid people," said Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg.
 
SOURCE: cap-news

About Post Author

Anthony-Claret Ifeanyi Onwutalobi

Anthony-Claret is a software Engineer, entrepreneur and the founder of Codewit INC. Mr. Claret publishes and manages the content on Codewit Word News website and associated websites. He's a writer, IT Expert, great administrator, technology enthusiast, social media lover and all around digital guy.
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Barack Obama: “The jury has spoken”

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United States of America Florida seething kind of neighborhood watch George Zimmerman received an acquittal due. Zimmerman shot to death 17-year-old black boy, a law had been to her. Zimmerman acquitted of all charges because he found to have acted in self-defense.
 
Peaceful protest marches took place on Sunday, including San Francisco, Philadelphia, Chicago, Washington and Atlanta. Oakland, California protesters lit fires and broke the windows.
 
President Obama acknowledged the case as a national tragedy, but urged people to remain calm.
 
-This is the rule of law and the jury has spoken, Obama summed up the BBC reported.
 
U.S. Department of Justice is considering a new prosecution against the fallen Zimmermann murder charges instead.

About Post Author

Anthony-Claret Ifeanyi Onwutalobi

Anthony-Claret is a software Engineer, entrepreneur and the founder of Codewit INC. Mr. Claret publishes and manages the content on Codewit Word News website and associated websites. He's a writer, IT Expert, great administrator, technology enthusiast, social media lover and all around digital guy.
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Air Circus The news was a duck – “We made a number of mistakes”

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American KTVU-TV channel has apologized to the San Francisco airport accident liitynyttä news.
 
KTVU's news was reported yesterday on Friday, Asiana airline pilots crash the machine names. It was later revealed that the names were incorrect, but had fun.
 
-We made ??a number of errors. First, we met and we do not check the names of the phone to the phone the person responsible for the position, KTVU's release said.  
 
Confirmed the names of the TV channel, the U.S. accident investigation center of the phone replied the trainee. Also onnettomustutkintakeskus has apologized and says the trainee to have exceeded his authority.   
 
San Francisco last weekend, an accident killed two people. Seoul, South Korea, coming was the Boeing 777 was landing when it hit the runway and burst into flames.

About Post Author

Anthony-Claret Ifeanyi Onwutalobi

Anthony-Claret is a software Engineer, entrepreneur and the founder of Codewit INC. Mr. Claret publishes and manages the content on Codewit Word News website and associated websites. He's a writer, IT Expert, great administrator, technology enthusiast, social media lover and all around digital guy.
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The Wire’ Creator David Simon on Trayvon Martin Case: ‘Ashamed’ to Be an American

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The not-guilty verdict for George Zimmerman in the death of Florida teen Trayvon Martin has outraged many people across the country, including "The Wire" creator David Simon.

In an emotional, fiery post on his blog, The Audacity of Despair, Simon denounced the verdict, saying he was "ashamed to call himself an American."

Simon knows a little something about race. He worked for 12 years as a crime reporter in Baltimore, witnessing firsthand the despair referenced in his blog title. He then channeled that knowledge to write nuanced, complex portrayals of race, drugs, poverty, violence, and corruption on series like "Homicide: Life on the Street," "The Corner," and "The Wire."

[Related: Zimmerman Juror B37 Decides Not to Go For That Book Deal After All]

From 2002-2005 on "The Wire," Simon and his team of writers depicted the often deadly consequences for young black men living within the broken education, political, and justice systems. The series was lauded as an American storytelling masterpiece, inspired professors to teach about it in college classes, and was recently named the No. 1 series of all time by Entertainment Weekly.

Outside of his television writing, Simon often comments on social issues, and the Martin case stirred up particularly forceful feelings in him. Here's the entirety of his post:You can stand your ground if you're white, and you can use a gun to do it. But if you stand your ground with your fists and you're black, you're dead.In the state of Florida, the season on African-Americans now runs year round. Come one, come all. And bring a handgun. The legislators are fine with this blood on their hands. The governor, too. One man accosted another and when it became a fist fight, one man — and one man only — had a firearm. The rest is racial rationalization and dishonorable commentary.If I were a person of color in Florida, I would pick up a brick and start walking toward that courthouse in Sanford. Those that do not, those that hold the pain and betrayal inside and somehow manage to resist violence — these citizens are testament to a stoic tolerance that is more than the rest of us deserve. I confess, their patience and patriotism is well beyond my own.

Behold, the lewd, pornographic embrace of two great American pathologies: Race and guns, both of which have conspired not only to take the life of a teenager, but to make that killing entirely permissible. I can't look an African-American parent in the eye for thinking about what they must tell their sons about what can happen to them on the streets of their country. Tonight, anyone who truly understands what justice is and what it requires of a society is ashamed to call himself an American."

Strong words. But Simon didn't stop there. Remarkably, he took the time to address many of the comments following the post. A few highlights:

  • One commenter chastised him for trying to "fan the flames and incite violence," to which Simon replied, "You've missed the thread of that passage utterly."
  • Several others called on Simon to prove that Zimmerman's actions in shooting Martin were racist. He replied, "I don't think Mr. Zimmerman is by any necessity a racist. But his calculations and his behaviors were racially motivated."
  • In other responses, Simon bemoaned the slippery slope effect — that the Martin case would be the first of many. "The law has changed — and the culture of legal self-defense is changing — in a revolutionary fashion. There will be more of these cases now. Not less."

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Anthony-Claret Ifeanyi Onwutalobi

Anthony-Claret is a software Engineer, entrepreneur and the founder of Codewit INC. Mr. Claret publishes and manages the content on Codewit Word News website and associated websites. He's a writer, IT Expert, great administrator, technology enthusiast, social media lover and all around digital guy.
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AS EASTERN SEABOARD ROASTS, NEW YORK COULD SET RECORD FOR POWER USAGE

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(CNN) — As a heat wave kept roasting the eastern United States on Tuesday, New Yorkers are blasting their air conditioners so much that they could set a record for electricity usage by Wednesday, utility officials said. Meanwhile, Con Edison crews faced scattered outages and restored power to more than 7,600 customers in New York City and Westchester County since the area began to bake Sunday, the utility said Tuesday. "We could certainly break a record, all-time demand record this week," John Miksad, Con Ed's senior vice president for operations, said in a video statement. "All week, we're gonna be right up there in the 95% all-time record level. We've only had probably four other days that will be as high as what we're going to see this week.
 
"What we're doing right now is, we've basically got all hands on deck, we've buttoned up the system, and now we're just ready to respond to whatever comes our way," he added. Con Ed's record for consumption is 13,189 megawatts, set at 4 p.m. July 22, 2011, the utility said. As sauna conditions seared the Eastern Seaboard, the heat index was expected to reach 100 degrees or more, forecasters said.
 
At noon, New York's heat index was 96 degrees, said CNN meteorologist Chad Myers. Heat indices represent how hot the air feels, based on the actual temperature and humidity.
"I was in New York City last week: It's so much more than the heat; it's the humidity sticking around. You walk around the city, and it feels like 102, and it's brutal," Myers said.
The New York Fire Department recorded 37 heat-related incidents on Monday and 25 more as of late Tuesday afternoon, spokeswoman Elisheva Zakheim said.
The heat indices for the Northeast, Mid-Atlantic and Midwest are expected to soar well past 100 degrees Tuesday, the National Weather Service said. A heat advisory was in effect for parts of Massachusetts, Connecticut and Rhode Island, as well as much of Michigan.
 
It's enough to make pedestrians run to the shady side of the street. "I looked across the street: Which side is the sun shining on, and which side is the shade?" Randy Turner told CNN affiliate WCBS. "I was just thinking, walking down the street, why am I walking in this heat?" Michelle Sangenito also told WCBS. People were willing to hit the floor just to beat the heat. "Well, I came home late last night to a couple roommates just, like, laying out. I chose the ground because that's cooler," Holly King told CNN affiliate WABC. Death Valley scrambles to clean up after egg-frying frenzy Volunteer emergency medical technician Mark Sanders was standing vigil among the 60,000 visitors in Central Park. "We are on alert for heat emergencies. We do have a lot of water, a lot of fluids and cooling capabilities," he told WABC.
 
Rain will cool the eastern third of the country by the weekend and bring pleasant weather to that region next week, with temperatures reaching only 80 degrees, Myers said. But the rain also will bring the potential for hail and high winds in the Northeast on Thursday, Friday and Saturday, Myers said. Elsewhere in the country, a wacky weather pattern will bring rain and possible flash flooding to the South and Southwest, forecasters said. Flood watches are posted in Texas, New Mexico, Colorado and Arizona, and the rainfall will bring temperatures 20 degrees below average, CNN meteorologists said. The wetness will bring relief to drought-wracked Texas, but flooding is a concern this entire week, Myers said. "There's a potential for heavy downpours in dry washes," Myers said.
 
Meanwhile, "monsoonal moisture will increase across the southern High Plains, with flash flooding possible," the National Weather Service said. "The rain and extensive cloud cover will also keep temperatures across the region quite cool for this time of the year, with some areas over 20 degrees below their average July temperatures" in parts of West Texas, Arizona and New Mexico.
 

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Anthony-Claret Ifeanyi Onwutalobi

Anthony-Claret is a software Engineer, entrepreneur and the founder of Codewit INC. Mr. Claret publishes and manages the content on Codewit Word News website and associated websites. He's a writer, IT Expert, great administrator, technology enthusiast, social media lover and all around digital guy.
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OBAMA’S ELIGIBILITY RESURRECTED: CONGRESS PAYS ATTENTION

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The dispute over Barack Obama’s eligibility captured the imagination of the American public with stunning revelations, lawsuits, a best-selling book and, finally, the release of what was described as the “original” birth certificate from Hawaii in an attempt to silence the doubters.
 
Since that time, it’s been mostly Obama’s defenders gloating and deriding anyone who questions the official narrative as so-called “birthers.”
 
That might change soon, according to the lead investigator for Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s Cold Case Posse in Arizona, which was assigned to do a thorough investigation of the document posted by the White House as Obama’s birth certification.
 
Lt. Mike Zullo told WND there is interest being expressed in Congress about the investigation’s conclusion that the White House document is fraudulent – an image created on a computer.
 
A contingent of citizens in Maricopa County had asked Arpaio  to look into the issue because they were concerned an ineligible candidate would be on their 2012 presidential election ballot.
 
Zullo previously has contributed evidence to a court case – now pending before the state Supreme Court in Alabama – on the dispute. He has testified that the White House computer image of Obama’s birth certificate contains anomalies that are unexplainable unless the document had been fabricated piecemeal by human intervention, rather than being copied from a genuine paper document.
 
“Mr. Obama has in fact not offered any verifiable authoritative document of any legal significance or possessing any evidentiary value as to the origins of his purported birth narrative or location of the birth event,” he explained earlier. “One of our most serious concerns is that the White House document appears to have been fabricated piecemeal on a computer, constructed by drawing together digitized data from several unknown sources.”
 
Zullo also has noted that the governor of Hawaii was unable to produce an original birth document for Obama, and it should have been easy to find.
 
SOURCE: wnd

About Post Author

Anthony-Claret Ifeanyi Onwutalobi

Anthony-Claret is a software Engineer, entrepreneur and the founder of Codewit INC. Mr. Claret publishes and manages the content on Codewit Word News website and associated websites. He's a writer, IT Expert, great administrator, technology enthusiast, social media lover and all around digital guy.
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