Nigeria News

Decision 2015: Memo to The President

My dear President, the release of the election time-table by INEC must have triggered a lot of pressure on you from well-meaning Nigerians like Mama Peace and co. to hastily declare your interest in the 2015 election so that work can begin in earnest. I support the Pressure Group because the task ahead of you and your party is herculean and I doubt if this can be done in just one year. Therefore, there is no more time to waste on whether or not you should go for another term. I feel it is my responsibility as a citizen, and also as a friend, even though we have not met before, to offer you my personal advice in this crucial period of decision making. Without any equivocation, I will tell you straight that you should go for the second term because it is your constitutional right to do so. And besides, you are more than qualified. Are you not a doctor? The fact that you are from a village in Bayelsa called Otuoke does not make you a village doctor. You are indeed a Ph.D holder; a real doctor who knows book and also knows how to read speeches flawlessly, fluently and perfectly. Don’t mind those mischief makers in my neighbourhood who gossip about your pronunciation of some technical and difficult English words. They are just jealous of your achievements. They are not happy that of all the “shoeless boys” in the country, you were the only one favoured by Providence to become the President. By the way, must we all speak English like the Oyinbo people? Wetin concern Ijaw man with grammatical niceties and lexical formalities? Idea is need. Abeg let’s proceed. Mr. President, I am seriously encouraging you to contest because of your wife, Madam ‘Damned”, nay, Dame Patience Goodluck who had invested so much resources and energy into the 2nd term project despite her health condition. Do you want all her Abuja rallies and women parleys to be in vain? Why must you deny her the opportunity of completing her two terms when others before her enjoyed such luxury. Sorry, that was a mistake. The two first Ladies before her, never completed their two terms. Fate, not Patience, prevented them from completing their terms. Stella Obasanjo died two years into her own second term (Oct. 2005) and Turai’s husband died prematurely in May, 2010. Now that your wife is called Mama Peace; she needs more years to settle the crisis she caused in Rivers State when she was “Mama Trouble”. How do you expect her to solve the problems of Rivers State in one year? The crisis in Rivers State, if you must know, is a very big project that cannot be abandoned. She wants to carry her load herself. Also, Mama Peace wants to take her peace message round the globe, especially to all the troubled spots of the world. My President, remember that you have other women that you have to protect and save from shame and disgrace. You still have Stella Oduah, your Minister of Aviation, the one that her detractors want to pull down because she is very beautiful, attractive and very hardworking. Some useless boys in my neighbourhood are peddling rumour that she is “very close” to you. Sir, I don’t know what they mean but I am sure it is not what I am thinking. Because of space and time, I won’t want us to waste much time on the meaning of “very close”. But it is because of this “very closeness” that you have to consider her so that the two of you can become “very closer”. Is it even their business to determine family ties? Why will people not mind their business? Is it not the responsibility of “Mama Peace” to determine who is “very close” to her husband? Useless boys of no fixed address (SSS please note). As for Ngozi Okonjo Iweala, the Finance Minister, she does not need much protection. She is well connected internationally. But you still need her to stay with you for 4 more years to resolve her waiver palaver with The Punch otherwise, she will just pack her baggage and go back to World Bank or is it “Wrong bank”; that bank where development means different things to different countries and different continents. She also has enemies and detractors that will mock her if you don’t run: the Abuja lawmakers who think she is too arrogant. Well, it is left for you Mr. President to determine whether it is not noble to seek 2nd term in order to save the face of an “arrogant woman”. The last of the women in Jonathan’s life, as one disrespectful writer wrote recently, is Diezani Allison-Madueke, the oil chaperone whose diligence and efficiency have helped Nigeria in making a lot of money that we save in the Sovereign, or should we say, Suffering Wealth Fund (SWF). If people are saying there is stability in the oil sector and that Nigeria is a very rich country, I think the credit should go to this angelic woman. Through her honesty, transparency and accountability, Nigeria is what it is today, a wealthy gaunt. Though some envious and idle women in my neighbourhood are attributing her shining body and beauty to Nigeria’s oil money, when did petrol become anointing oil that the woman will now be using it to cream her body? They should know that her beauty is a gift of nature and not oil money. Those who are complaining of missing oil money are traditional trouble makers like Rotimi Amaechi and his Nigeria Gossip Forum (NGF). And who in Nigeria is taking them serious? If a “holy Diezani” says our money is not missing, why should we say she is lying. Do beautiful women lie? The same envious jobless women in my neighbourhood are also saying: “there is something going on” between you and this respectable angelic woman, Sir, what else could be going on than “good rocking”, sorry, it was a slip of biro, good working relationship? She also will want you to go for 2nd term so that she can continue to enjoy this “good working relationship”. I am tired of talking about Jonathan’s women as if our President is only protecting women. Before people start thinking I am being mischievious, let me show your detractors, that your second term is also in the interest of men who are “very close” to you., I can mention my good friends, Reuben Abati, Sanya Awosan, Bolaji Adigun now Bolaji Adebiyi and my big brother, Doyin Okupe. Some people (not in my neighbourhood this time around) are calling them all sorts of names “attack dogs”, “defence wolves”, “desperate hyenas”, “terrorist tigers” and “Jonathan’s pets”. With all these names that my friends are being called, I won’t be surprised if they were considered in the millions that you voted for the animals in your Zoo at Aso Rock? Don’t people have better names to call them? Why dogs, wolves, tigers, hyenas and pets. These people sef. I am intervening on behalf of my friends by asking you to run for second term. As Bamanga Tukur begged you in his last days in office, “please save my friends from disgrace and joblessness”, and if for nothing else, pity them for what people call them. Mr. President, Rotimi Amaechi is enough reason for you to run again or you want to create the impression that you are running away from him. As far as I am concerned, that boy is too disrespectful, stubborn and disobedient. He needs to be dealt with. If you decline to run, he will now call another rally tagged “The Fall of Jonathan” where he and his militant supporters will now be dancing to celebrate your fall. By now, you must have heard how ecstatic they were when Bamanga Tukur was presidentially eased out of office to Railway Line. It was because of Amaechi and his men that Tukur was running to Madam and you to save him from disgrace. Now that you have sacrificed Tukur, why do you need to sacrifice yourself again? Can’t you see that Tukur’s removal has brought some calmness and peace to “the biggest political party in Africa”. Your ambition, I must remind you, is more important than the pacification of some disgruntled and inconsequential members of the Party. Their departure is good riddance to bad rubbish. Don’t you know you are too important to Nigeria and the Nigerian project than an aggrieved Kwankwaso or a belligerent Rotimi or an ambitious Lamido. Do you know how popular you are among the people? Don’t mind those boys in my neighbourhood who were hissing when your name was mentioned during a local program at an event centre. What is important is that we still had two or three people clapping for you in a gathering of about 4000 people. How do you want Nyesom Wike to feel if you do not run again? Wike has been very wicked to Amaechi and his supporters because of you. He has, with the support and assistance of the hypocritically efficient Joseph Mbu, fought Amaechi to a standstill in Rivers State. Certainly, Wike will become weak morally and psychologically while Mbu will be booed by Amaechi’s men once you announce that you will not run. Please, don’t disgrace your trusted aide and an efficient police officer that is causing insecurity in Rivers State with the zeal and the passion of a hired killer. I need to remind you of a great achievement you made during the ASUU Strike. You sat with ASUU members for 13 hours so that peace could return to our universities. Some ungrateful and unappreciative boys in my neighbourhood were mocking you that it was because you were not busy. They said they can’t imagine Barak Obama spending 13 hours with any trade Union when the system and the relevant officers can handle them. Please, I beg you Mr. President, don’t listen to them. They are detractors possibly sponsored by the opposition to rubbish this “great achievement”! As far as I am concerned, you can use this as an excuse to run again and even as a campaign issue. Let Nigerians know that you can even sit in a trade Union dispute meeting for 24 hours as long as there will be peace. Are our universities not calm again? Forget about LASU crisis, it is a State University and not your business. Besides, LASU has always been in crisis, will always been in crisis because both lecturers, students and the management of the institution define peace as crisis and crisis as peace. People who don’t know the difference between peace and crisis should not blame the President for their institutional tragedy. Mr. President, you can also use corruption as another reason for your re-election bid. Some detractors have claimed that your government is the most corrupt administration that has ever ruled Nigeria. Let them show you the statistics and the indices of evaluation and the parameters for their conclusion. Where are the comparative studies that were conducted that led them to that conclusion? Billions may be missing, Oduah may be buying cars with outrageous millions, billions may be spent on presidential fleet and millions may be voted for your Zoo, it is all part of our development. Tell them that you will spend the entire 2nd term to fight corruption. If they are accusing your government of corruption, let them know that those who steal the money spend it on their constituents. When did philanthropic become a crime? Sir, don’t forget to also consider your achievements in the PDP. You sent Bamanga Tukur packing; PDP now have other affiliates or subsidiaries namely APGA, Labour Party and DPP; PDP lost 5 State governors and 37 House of Reps members to the All Progressives Congress (APC) and is about to lose 17 or 19 PDP Senators to the same APC. Those who say you have destroyed the Party are not being sincere. You are only trying to instill discipline in governors who talk to you as if you are their houseboy (apology to Jeremiah Useni). And if they don’t understand that, tell them PDP is only undergoing a destructive reconstruction with the objective of achieving unstable balancing. My President, why should you feel satisfied spending only 6 years in power when you can spend 10 years? People like Ghadaffi, Mobutu Sese Seko, Hosni Mubarak, Zine El-Abidine Ben Ali, Robert Mugabe and Bashar al-Assad were/are in power for more than three decades. Why should yours be different? Are you not an African leader like these people? Did Obasanjo not seek 3rd term? Don’t let them exploit your gentleness and quietness to deny you a legitimate claim to 2nd term. It does not matter whether you have something concrete to show for those years or not, at least, you have enjoyed yourself for 10 years as the President of the most populous Black African nation in the world. For all these reasons and more, please run Mr. President. If possible, sprint like Usain Bolt towards 2015 with tactical retreat. It is your decision. It is your ambition. You should act and decide according to your volition. As for those snippy boys and nosey women in my neighbourhood, don’t worry about them because I will soon stop hearing their nonsense talk. I assure you that I am leaving that contaminated neighbourhood very soon, probably before the next coming of Christ, before they infect me with their “gossip flu” and put me in trouble with our very friendly and civilized security agencies.

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