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Do Northampton next, ISIS vandals urged

  • Published in Humour

Terrorist vandals ISIS have received a request to leave the world’s beautiful and ancient cities alone, and focus on the hideous modern town of Northampton instead.

Northampton Council worker, Mark Scales said, “Seriously, fill your boots.”

“We’ll all nip out to Kettering for the day and you can smash the shit out of whatever takes your fancy.”

“We’ll even pick up the tab afterwards. Eleven quid should do the trick.”

Long term Northampton resident, Eleanor Finch, said “I honestly don’t understand these people at all.”

“Why would they destroy historical landmarks such as Hatra or Nimrud when they could come here and have a whale of a time on our phone boxes?”

“They’re made of glass for God’s sake, they’re just begging to be trashed”
ISIS vandals to target Northampton

BBC News reporter and Psychotic-Dickhead expert, Trevor Watkins, said “It’s very strange, really.”

“Most criminals start with vandalism and gradually work their way up to televised beheadings, but those idiots at ISIS seem to have pulled the old switcheroo in their career plans.”

“With that kind of backwards thinking, they just might fancy a day out in the East Midlands.”

Department of Defence spokesman, Simon Williams, said “Some people might be concerned about letting a pack of psychotic thugs run wild in a town centre for an entire day, but frankly we don’t anticipate anything messier than what you’d normally see after a Northampton Town FC home defeat, which is most Saturdays.”

“Don’t tell anybody, but the actual plan is to drape a net over the whole town just as ISIS arrive, then to haul the entire town into the sky and slingshot it toward the sun.”

“That way we will deal a hefty blow to humanity’s three greatest enemies: ISIS, Northampton, and the sun.”

An ISIS spokesman said, “We’ve already sent a team to smash-up Northampton, 6 months ago.”

“They were eventually given a grant from the Arts Council, which was embarrassing for everyone, quite frankly.”

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  • 27 Mar 2017 9°C 2°C
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