International football governing body FIFA says it will not pay compensation to Santa Claus and his associated enterprises, who are unhappy about plans to play the 2022 Qatar World Cup at Christmas.
The body has also refused to apologise for the scheduling of the tournament, which according to numerous commentators will disrupt the festive period immeasurably.
Fears have been raised that a winter World Cup would distract millions from observing the season’s traditional Christmas pursuits.
Football could distract people from worrying about the appropriate spend for your sister’s boyfriend’s gift, regrettable sexual encounters at the office party, and having an ever so slightly too-heated Christmas dinner table debate with a tipsy Auntie Jenny about immigration.
World Cup 2022 at Christmas
A spokesman from the North Pole expressed his disappointment with the decision to hold the Qatar World Cup in the run up to Christmas.
They told reporters, “It’s not just a diversion from our own seasonal efforts, but the potential hazardous sleigh ride conditions caused by adding additional airline traffic to already busy flight paths over the Middle East at that time of year.”
When pressed for details on whether there might be repercussions from the Claus family, one source – who wished to remain anonymous as he adjusted his red nose – told us, “Let’s just say our Swiss naughty list has just grown considerably.”
“And that we hope Mr Blatter’s time in Qatar has given him an appreciation for fossil fuels. He’ll have more soon.”