Sunday’s Oscars ceremony is predicted by many to be the smuggest in living memory.
“Oh, yes, this year will be staggeringly smug,” predicted Oscar expert Serena Greene.
“It’s a group of insanely rich people who are spectacularly pleased with themselves because they know which way to point a camera, or because they’re capable of remembering words.”
“But when they get together to give themselves awards for doing so they become almost supernaturally smug.”
The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences is a collection of white middle-aged men with a few token women and black people let in to make the drinks and clean up.
They’ve been giving each other awards since 1929 when they first decided that they were absolutely brilliant.
However, this year is expected to be worse than usual.
“This year is almost a perfect storm of smugness for three reasons,” continued Ms Greene.
“One; It follows the Saturday Night Live anniversary celebration, which featured largely the same group of smug white men being smug for three hours on live TV.”
“This means we have a higher baseline of smugness in the industry than normal.”
“Two; we have Richard Linklatter’s ‘Boyhood,’ this is a film that many at the Academy consider ‘important’ – because it took a really, really long time to make.”
“When film-makers do something ‘important’ like alert the world to a devastating disease it already knew about in ‘Philadelphia,’ or free Scotland from the hated British in ‘Braveheart,’ then it raises the smugness level even higher.”
“Three; Bradley Cooper will be there.”
British people are advised to do the only sensible thing and sleep through the lot of it.