Humour

ISIS claim responsibility for murder of Lucy Beale

Terrorist group ISIS have released a video with a chilling claim of responsibility for the murder of Eastenders television character Lucy Beale.

Prime Minister, David Cameron has condemned the terrorist group for what he has called a ‘direct attack on our British heritage.’

In the video, ISIS claim, “This is a chilling warning to you, the British public.”

“All week you have been covering facebook and twitter with your accusations, leaving normal human beings no choice but to read your pointless, life sapping conversations.”

“British people are actually calling our offices asking to be captured until the show finishes. Well now the speculation is over, Jihadi John did it.”
Lucy Beale killer

A special phone line has been set up by the BBC for Eastenders fans to deal with their grief.

So far it has received over one million calls in a period of just 6 hours, though some have questioned the use of a premium rate number, speculating they may be trying to recuperate losses from the Savile enquiry and dwindling TV license sales.

Barack Obama has backed David Cameron and stated “The USA will increase troops in every Country in the World. Everyone is a terrorist now.”

Jihadi John, once rumoured to be a character creation of Sacha Baron Cohen, ended the video with a final parting shot by stating “I am originally from the East End, it felt only right that Adam’s daughter died at my hands.”

“No Ian, Ian’s daughter. Is this live?”

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