Ed Balls to carry list of friend names in wallet ‘in case of emergencies’

Ed Balls has blamed ‘an age thing’ on not being able to name any of his friends in a Newsnight interview last night.

In what is being described as a major gaffe, the shadow chancellor claimed to have ‘loads of mates who you just don’t know’ before failing to name a single one.

“Er…Bill. Bill thingy”, he said when challenged, before telling a long story about a girl who really fancied him, but who he also declined to name.

“Rumours that Ed Balls has no mates have circulated Westminster for years”, said one political correspondent.

“Someone has written it on most of the lavatory walls.”

“Along with questions about IDS’s sexuality and Theresa May’s mobile number, if you’re interested?”
Ed Balls friends

The Prime Minister was quick to jump on the gaffe as evidence that Ed Balls is unsuitable for high office.

“As prime minister I’ve obviously got lots of friends,” he told waiting reporters.

“Boris Johnson, for example.”

However in a hastily written statement, London Mayor Boris Johnson strenuously denied being friends with David Cameron.

“I can’t stand the fat-faced little git,” he said, before confirming that the PM enjoys his full support.

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