Nigeria: My life in danger, Amaechi cries out

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Read Time:15 Minute, 23 Second

ABUJA — Barely 24 hours after Rivers State Governor, Rotimi Amaechi and four of his colleagues from the North, who paid him solidarity visit were pelted with stones by political opponents in Port Harcourt, Governor Amaechi yesterday, raised alarm that his life was in danger. He alleged that strange policemen and intelligence officers were deployed in his lodges in Port Harcourt and Abuja without his consent.

The governor raised the alarm on a day the Majority Leader of the House, Mr Chidi Lloyd was declared wanted by the State Police Command even as Nobel Laureate, Professor Wole Soyinka warned that this “notorious proceeding will not be permitted to fester unchallenged.”

The Inspector General of Police, on the other hand, has also summoned to the Force Headquarters, Governor  Amaechi’s Chief Security Officer, Mr Tony Iwelu as well as the House Leader.

Threat to Amaechi’s life

On the threat to Governor Amaechi’s life, Secretary to the Rivers State Government, Mr. George Feyii, in a statement made available to Vanguard in Abuja, recalled the surreptitious deployment of strange policemen and intelligence officers to the governor’s lodges in Abuja and Port Harcourt without the involvement of the governor as was the practice nationwide.

Feyii said: “The Rivers State Government notes with distress what is now an apparent attack on the person of Governor Chibuike Rotimi Amaechi.

“On Tuesday, two policemen, one of them, Inspector Bawa, reported to the Rivers State Governor’s Lodge at Justice Mohammed Bello Street, Asokoro, FCT Abuja.

“They claimed to have been posted by Nigeria Police Force Headquarters to monitor the Rivers State Governor’s Lodge.

“Earlier, four intelligence officers had been posted to Government House, Port Harcourt by the Rivers State Police Command. These postings were done without any notification or reference to Governor Amaechi.

“We are aware that on issues of personal safety, an official reserves the right to pick the security personnel to whom he may entrust his safety. This is more so in the case of a state governor.

“The policemen insisted on Wednesday morning (yesterday) that they had directives to remain at the gate of the Rivers State Governor’s Lodge.  Not only is the Rivers State Government uncertain of the true identity of these gentlemen, we are worried as to the true intent behind these latest postings.

“In recent times, events in Rivers State and especially around Governor Amaechi have been suggestive of deliberate nonchalance at best, and complicity at worst in the security breaches that have occurred. This trend has continued despite a passionate appeal to the highest levels of authority.

“We are worried that we can no longer guarantee the safety of Governor Chibuike Amaechi and wish to reiterate our call on all relevant authorities to ensure the safety of Governor Amaechi and the peace and security of everyone in Rivers State”, the SSG pleaded.

IGP on CP Mbu

The Inspector General of Police had said last week that he was yet to get a formal request by Amaechi to redeploy the state police commissioner, Mbu Joseph Mbu from the state.

Even before then, those opposed to Amaechi, had insisted that Mbu was the best CP and should not be moved out of the state.

Police IG, MD Abubakar

But events almost got out of hands when hired youths attacked the convoy of the governor and broke some cars as he made to welcome four PDP governors to Port Harcourt, the state capital.

The quartet of Aliyu Babangida of Niger; Rabiu Kwankwaso of Kano; Sule Lamido of Jigawa and Murtala Nyako of Adamawa states, were on a solidarity visit to Amaechi, who is also the chairman of the Nigeria Governors’ Forum, NGF.

Chidi Lloyd declared wanted

Declaring the Majority Leader of the State House of Assembly wanted, the Police Public Relations Officer of the Rivers State Police Command (PPRO), Mrs. Angela Agabe, in a statement issued in Port Harcourt, said that Lloyd, the lawmaker representing Emohua Constituency in the assembly, was wanted over alleged conspiracy, attempted murder, wounding, and willful damage.

She said that the lawmaker was last seen in the assembly on July 9, and that he failed to respond to police invitation, which she explained, elapsed on July 15.

According to her: “The Rivers State Police Command has declared wanted, one honourable Chidi Lloyd, a native of Emohua, in Emohua Local Government Area, Rivers State. About 37 years of age, he is the Majority Leader of the Rivers House of Assembly. He was involved in a case of conspiracy, attempted murder, wounding, and willful damage on July 9, 2013.

“The crime is being investigated by a special team from the Inspector-General of Police in collaboration with the state Criminal Investigation Division, Rivers command.

“He was last seen at the Rivers State House of Assembly on July 9, 2013. All efforts to trace his whereabouts have so far proved abortive.“

Agabe urged the people of the state to give the police useful information that could lead to the arrest of Lloyd and assist the command to fight crime in the state. She said the command was determined to check crime and protect lives and property of the people in the state.

IGP summons Amaechi’s CSO, others

The Inspector-General of Police, Mr Mohammed Abubakar also yesterday summoned the leader of the Rivers Assembly, Hon Chidi Lloyd, and the Chief Security officer to Governor Rotimi Amaechi, Tony Iwelu to report to Force headquarters for interrogation.

The ADC to the governor, Acting ASP Debeware Semeikumo and the Escort Commander had earlier appeared at Force Headquarters and before the DIG Philemon Leha-led investigative panel. Both Lloyd and Iwelu were to report in respect of the alleged roles they played in the crisis as could be seen from the video clips in circulation.

Also, Police headquarters yesterday issued a directive barring citizens from constituting themselves into or being part of an unlawful assembly in any part of the country.

It expressed dismay at the attitude of some Nigerians who have chosen the nation’s airports as points of congregating their followers saying, “these assemblies do not only constitute nuisance to the airport environment but are also a threat to the security of both genuine travellers and the airport authority.

Police bar unlawful assembly

In separate statements signed by Force Spokesman, CSP Frank Mba, the Police said: “It would be recalled that in the video clips, a man carrying a mace and another in Police uniform as well as other security details were seen conducting themselves in a questionable and uncomplimentary manner.

“The invitation therefore seeks to obtain further details that will assist proper investigation into the matter. The IGP reminded Police personnel on various legitimate assignments particularly those attached to VIPs to always remain mindful of their conduct and ensure that they uphold the professional ethics, traditions and best practices of the Force at all times.

On the issues of violent and unlawful assemblies, and cautioning against unguarded and inflammatory utterances, the Police said: “In the light of emerging security challenges in parts of the country, especially the unfolding saga in Rivers State, citizens are hereby warned against constituting themselves into or being part of an unlawful assembly in any part of the country.

“Citizens are reminded that airports all over the world are regarded as “restricted areas” and as such are traditionally shielded from unnecessary intrusion. The Force will not hesitate from the date of this statement, to bring the full weight of extant laws on persons found forming or being part of an unlawful assembly, especially riotous assemblies”.

Continuing the statement said: “The Force is very much aware and not unmindful of the fundamental rights of citizens particularly their rights to “freedom of expression” “peaceful assembly and association; “freedom of movement” among others as provided for in Chapter 4 of the 1999 Constitution of the Federal Republic of Nigeria (as amended); and is duty bound to respect and protect them.

“However, citizens are reminded that these rights and freedom must be enjoyed within the bounds of the law. Therefore, all assemblies must be peaceful, lawful and must not be intentionally contrived to provoke or abridge the rights of other citizens”.

“The Nigeria Police Force has a constitutional responsibility of ensuring not just the security of citizens, but to promote the unity and indivisibility of our dear country.  It will therefore do all within its ability to ensure that the country remains secure, peaceful and indivisible”.

It said further: “The Police High Command uses this medium to reassure Nigerians of the willingness of the Force to discharge its constitutional and statutory responsibilities, but appeals for the cooperation and understanding of the good people of Nigeria”.

Soyinka warns of consequences

Meanwhile, Nobel Laureate, Professor Wole Soyinka in a statement titled, “Rivers Crisis: Final Statement”, warned of dire consequences should the crisis in Rivers State be allowed to degenerate, noting that even after the Rivers crisis has been resolved, “this notorious proceeding will not be permitted to fester unchallenged”.

Soyinka

The statement said: “In public interest, in order to eliminate all further distraction and enable the nation to concentrate on issues that affect the democratic pursuit, it is necessary to make the following information available: Before the press conference held by Femi Falana and myself – that is, even before the Rivers Assembly fracas – I had been canvassed by opposing sides of the face-off, both via telephone and physically. One such visit, perhaps the most significant, was made by a Special Adviser in the Presidency who outlined what can be regarded as the official rationale for the Governors’ Forum election debacle.

“In the process of this exchange, he did make certain complaints against Governor Rotimi Amaechi, including charges of a conflict of interests over certain resources. This was implied as the root of division between the Governors’ Forum and the Presidency. I wrote down the details, informed the emissary that I would pass on these accusations to Governor Amaechi – which I did. That Amaechi hotly denied them and offered contradicting facts, which he urged me to verify, remained, and remains utterly irrelevant to the democratic core of the conflict – and this has been made clear to all interventionists:

Keyed into this core are:

(i) the arithmetics of democracy involved in figures 16 and 19 at the time, and now, with increased confidence in impunity, the figures 27 and 5.

(ii) whether or not it is democratic, even cultured proceeding that a state governor is barred from public access anywhere within his own zone of constitutional authority, with the massive security apparatus of the centre, on behalf of an unelected individual. Even after the Rivers crisis has been resolved, this notorious proceeding will not be permitted to fester unchallenged.

“For the rest, since beneath the surface of most Nigerian conflicts will be found inordinate greed for public resources, it is perhaps pertinent to remind ourselves that oil is not the only marvel to emerge from the Delta swamps. There are also exotic creatures  – mermaids, manatees, even mammy watas and hippopotami. However, unlike crude oil, which can be refined, you can extract a hippopotamus from the swamps, but you cannot take the swamp out of the hippopotamus”.

Hold Jonathan responsible — ACN

In a related development, the Action Congress of Nigeria (ACN) has asked Nigerians to hold President Goodluck Jonathan responsible if the country slides into anarchy as a result of the worsening crisis in Rivers State.

Reacting to the reported attack on the four governors who visited Amaechi in Port Harcourt on Tuesday, the party said in a statement issued yesterday by its National Publicity Secretary, Alhaji Lai Mohammed, in Oro, Kwara State, that the attack that took place under President Jonathan’s watch was unprecedented in the country’s history.

President Goodluck Jonathan

“We will not accept the usual sophistry that President Jonathan is not in any way involved in the Rivers crisis. It is also not an excuse to argue that the President did not know that the visiting governors will be attacked, because as the country’s chief security officer, he has his ears and eyes all over the country in the persons of security agents. Therefore, if the argument is that he did not know of the attack, then he is not on top of his game,” it said.

ACN wondered when it became a sin for any Nigerian, including elected officials, to visit any part of the country as the governors did, saying there can be no justification other than organized political rascality for a group of paid hoodlums to invade a secure environment like the airport and pelt the convoy bearing the governors with all sorts of objects.

Indicts Police

The party wondered why the Police could not provide adequate security for the visiting state chief executives and restrain the hired scallywags from their audacious action.

“Would the police have allowed tramps to attack the governors if they were visiting the President? Would the police in Rivers have allowed vagrants to act freely if those visiting Port Harcourt had come in solidarity with the five renegade members of the state House of Assembly? The unprofessional behaviour of the police in Rivers is the reason that Nigerians have accused the state police command of bias and called for the re-deployment of its ‘political’ commissioner, Mbu Joseph Mbu.

….Okays visit of four govs

“The visiting governors were right to have visited their Rivers’ counterpart, in the face of the siege on him by renegades being teleguided from higher quarters. They were right to had expressed solidarity with Gov. Amaechi, the Chairman of the Nigeria Governors’ Forum. We salute the governors as true patriots and the real sustainers of our constitution, and we demand appropriate sanctions for those whose dereliction of duty put the governors’ lives in danger,” it said.

ACN repeated its earlier warning against any contrived crisis in any part of the country as a way of pushing the country into a perpetual state of chaos, thus ensuring there will be no elections in 2015.

“The politics of 2015 cannot be removed from what is happening in Rivers. We have had cause to warn Nigerians to be vigilant against those who will foment trouble where there is none, just to put in abeyance the 2015 elections, especially where the emerging signals point to the fact that they will be rejected by voters. Those who are afraid of free and fair elections in 2015 will do anything to prevent one. Therefore, we are repeating our call on all Nigerians to be vigilant, because eternal vigilance is the price of liberty,” the party said.

Resign or be impeached, Moddibo tells Jonathan

Also, a group, Concerned Democrats of Conscience, has asked President Goodluck Jonathan to voluntarily resign from office or face impeachment by the National Assembly over the crisis in Rivers State.

The group at a press conference in Abuja, yesterday, gave the President one week within which to resign or risk impeachment by the National Assembly.

The National Coordinator of CDC, Mr. Ibrahim Modibbo, who made the position known at a press conference in Abuja, noted with regret that events in the political circle, especially the show of shame in the Rivers State House Assembly had continued to constitute a source of discomfort to decent democrats in the country.

Modibbo warned that if the President fails to resign, the National Assembly would be approached to commence impeachment proceedings against him.

He said: “As Democrats of Conscience, we shall struggle to fight against tyranny, despotic governance and authoritarian mindset of those vested with democratic power in Nigeria. We want to stand and be counted in support of total democracy or nothing else.

“The latest onslaught against Governor Rotimi Amaechi seems to suggest a desperate voyage or better still an ego trip mostly practised by people who are consumed in senseless but highly avoidable conflicts.

“President Jonathan’s silence in the face of serial humiliation of Governor Amaechi seems to suggest that the Presidency is comfortable with the acute abuse of the Constitution, flagrant rape on the rule of law with its attendant speedy decline of law and order in Rivers State.

“Consequently, we want to give President Jonathan one week ultimatum to resign, failure which we call on the National Assembly to initiate impeachment proceedings”.

Modibbo said that it would be difficult to justify the President’s continued denial of complicity in a crisis where he said five lawmakers went to the Rivers State House of Assembly with limited understanding of the tenets of parliamentary decided, though in a failed  attempt to topple the Speaker.

He said that as a symbol of democracy, the President ought to have condemned what happened in the state and ordered for a full scale investigation to safe guard against future occurrences.

He added that faking the mace by the five lawmakers, which he described as a symbol of legislative authority was criminal and therefore urged the police to immediately arrest and prosecute the culprits for plotting a coup against democracy.

Other alleged crime of the President, according to him were the ceding of oil wells of Rivers State to his home state of Bayelsa and the suspension of Amaechi by the leadership of the Peoples Democratic Party.

He also wondered what the President did when his bodyguards stopped Amaechi from reaching him (the President) to pay homage at an occasion in Abuja.

Modibbo also condemned the silence of the President when those he described as “some terrorists who masquerade as ex-militants with juicy oil contracts from the Federal Government, openly rebelled and protested against the Governor in Port Harcourt as the police watched with flagrant helplessness.”

“In a decent society, the President ought to have been worried when his wife, Patience, took over the state by blocking almost all the important roads, including the one leading to the Government House for 10 days,” Modibbo noted.

About Post Author

Anthony-Claret Ifeanyi Onwutalobi

Anthony-Claret is a software Engineer, entrepreneur and the founder of Codewit INC. Mr. Claret publishes and manages the content on Codewit Word News website and associated websites. He's a writer, IT Expert, great administrator, technology enthusiast, social media lover and all around digital guy.
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Nigeria: PDP convention on track as Jonathan intervenes

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Read Time:2 Minute, 11 Second

(Codewit) Following the intervention of President Goodluck Jonathan, the special national convention of Peoples’ Democratic Party, PDP, has again been put on track for the previously scheduled date of August 31.

The convention date, which was cancelled by the party’s National Working Committee, NWC, last Monday, was revived following a stakeholders’ meeting in the Presidential Villa presided over by the President, Tuesday night.

 

The earlier cancellation followed animosity between PDP’s National Chairman, Alhaji Bamanga Tukur, and the Special National Convention Committee appointed at the meeting of the party’s National Executive Committee, NEC, last month.

Tuesday night’s stakeholders’ meeting had in attendance Tukur; Chairman of the Special Convention Planning Committee, Prof. Jerry Gana and some members of the committee.

The South-West zonal congress earlier scheduled for August 24, but also cancelled by the PDP NWC, is also back on track for the same date.

Sources disclosed that the President intervened following what party insiders revealed as a complete breakdown of communication between Tukur and the Gana-led committee, which forced Tukur to influence the NWC into canceling the convention plans of Gana.

At the height of the face off, Tukur locked out Gana and his committee Cecretary, Senator Ike Ekweremadu, Deputy President of the Senate, when both men went to brief him on their plans for the convention.

At the centre of the dispute between Tukur and Gana were allegations that the SCPC was overreaching itself and not briefing him on their activities.

The national chairman was reportedly peeved by the decision of the Gana committee to announce the convention dates without clearing from him.

In the truce brokered by the president on Tuesday night it was agreed that elements from the Tukur led interim National Working Committee would be nominated into the Gana led SCPC.

Details of the rapprochement are expected to be released by the party.

The president’s intervention nonetheless, the prospects for the August 24 Southwest convention remain hazy upon continuing frictions among party leaders and stakeholders from the zone.

The erstwhile national secretary of the party Chief Olagunsoye Oyinlola who was nominated from the zone ahead of the March 2012 convention has kicked against moves by the party to fill the position with another person before the final determination of court processes initiated by him to get redress following his sack by the courts last January.

Prof. Adewale Oladipo who was last week nominated by some stakeholders from the Southwest as the replacement for Oyinlola has been opposed by some other strategic stakeholders including party leaders from Lagos State.

About Post Author

Anthony-Claret Ifeanyi Onwutalobi

Anthony-Claret is a software Engineer, entrepreneur and the founder of Codewit INC. Mr. Claret publishes and manages the content on Codewit Word News website and associated websites. He's a writer, IT Expert, great administrator, technology enthusiast, social media lover and all around digital guy.
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River State Crisis: Soyinka warns of dire consequences

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Read Time:2 Minute, 6 Second

NOBEL LAUREATE, Professor Wole Soyinka has warned of dire consequences for the country should the crisis in Rivers State be allowed to degenerate beyond this.

Professor Soyinka, in a statement stated that “even after the Rivers crisis has been resolved, this notorious proceeding will not be permitted to fester unchallenged.”

Making reference to the election of Nigerian Governors’ Forum, NGF, he said “before the press conference held by Femi Falana and myself – that is, even before the Rivers Assembly fracas – I had been canvassed by opposing sides of the face-off, both via telephone and physically. One such visit, perhaps the most significant, was made by a Special Adviser in the presidency who outlined what can be regarded as the official rationale for the Governors’ Forum election debacle. In the process of this exchange, he did make certain complaints against Governor Rotimi Amaechi, including charges of a conflict of interests over certain resources. This was implied as the root of division between the Governors’ Forum and the Presidency.”

In addition, he stated that “I wrote down the details, informed the emissary that I would pass on these accusations to Governor Amaechi – which I did. That Amaechi hotly denied them and offered contradicting facts, which he urged me to verify, remained, and remains utterly irrelevant to the democratic core of the conflict – and this has been made clear to all interventionists”.

While he condemned the fracas that ensued in the Rivers State House of Assembly, he described the development as impunity.

He said “Keyed into this core are: the arithmetics of democracy involved in figures 16 and 19 at the time, and now, with increased confidence in impunity, the figures 27 and 5. Whether or not it is democratic, even cultured proceeding that a state governor is barred from public access anywhere within his own zone of constitutional authority, with the massive security apparatus of the centre, on behalf of an unelected individual.”

“For the rest, since beneath the surface of most Nigerian conflicts will be found inordinate greed for public resources, it is perhaps pertinent to remind ourselves that oil is not the only marvel to emerge from the Delta swamps. There are also exotic creatures  – mermaids, manatees, even mammy watas and hippopotami. However, unlike crude oil, which can be refined, you can extract a hippopotamus from the swamps, but you cannot take the swamp out of the hippopotamus”, he stated.

About Post Author

Anthony-Claret Ifeanyi Onwutalobi

Anthony-Claret is a software Engineer, entrepreneur and the founder of Codewit INC. Mr. Claret publishes and manages the content on Codewit Word News website and associated websites. He's a writer, IT Expert, great administrator, technology enthusiast, social media lover and all around digital guy.
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Nigeria Man cuts off wife’s genitals, others for ritual

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Read Time:1 Minute, 53 Second

ABAKALIKI — A man, Okorie Ogbafor, has reportedly murdered his wife, Ifeoma Okorie, 26, and removed her genitals and hair at Onicha-Isu, in Onicha Local Government Area of Ebonyi State, for ritual purposes.

Briefing newsmen at the command’s headquarters in Abakaliki, yesterday, Police Public Relations Officer, PPRO, a Deputy Superintendent of Police, DSP, Sylvester Igbo, said the corpse of the deceased was found in a bush behind the couple’s family house adding that it had already started decomposing when a team of policemen from the state command found it.

Igbo, who disclosed that the suspect took off to Lagos State after committing the crime, noted that relatives of the suspect who reported the incident at a nearby Police station assisted in arresting him in Lagos.

He said: “On July 12, 2013, a case of murder was reported at Onicha-Isu, in Onicha Local Government Area where it was alleged that one Ifeoma Okorie, 26, wife to Okorie Ogbafor was murdered and the corpse dropped in a bush behind their family house.

“When the police team went to the place, on a closer examination of the corpse, it was discovered that the head of the woman was nearly severed from her body and it was also discovered that her private part was chopped off and parts of the hair shaved while the corpse was already decomposing.

“It was taken to the Federal Teaching Hospital mortuary for autopsy.

“It was after three days that her body was discovered. However, in the effort to know the actual perpetrator of the act, some people were arrested and it was then that we discovered that one Okorie Ogbafor was the person behind the killing of his wife.

“After killing the wife, he ran to Lagos. All this while, he was not seen within the vicinity and as information reached his kinsmen who were living in Lagos they reported the incident at the nearest police station to where the suspect resided.”

According to the Police spokesman, a team of detectives in charge of the case were on their way to Lagos to bring back the suspect to Ebonyi State as the case would soon be charged to court after investigation.

About Post Author

Anthony-Claret Ifeanyi Onwutalobi

Anthony-Claret is a software Engineer, entrepreneur and the founder of Codewit INC. Mr. Claret publishes and manages the content on Codewit Word News website and associated websites. He's a writer, IT Expert, great administrator, technology enthusiast, social media lover and all around digital guy.
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River State crisis started four years ago, says First Lady Dame Patience

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Read Time:3 Minute, 0 Second

Abuja -The First Lady, Mrs Patience Jonathan, said in Abuja on Wednesday that she had committed the ongoing crisis in Rivers to prayer and that crisis  started as far back as four years ago.

Rivers has been embroiled in a political crisis which culminated in a free for all at the House of Assembly last week, with some members injured.

Jonathan said this during a courtesy visit to the Presidential Villa by 16 bishops from the South-South geo-political zone.

“Rivers state issue is one thing I’ve committed to prayer because I believe there is nothing God cannot do. God restored me and I’ll do His work without the fear of man.

“The truth will always remain the truth and what God ordains must come to pass and so Rivers issue is something we’ve handed over to God.’’

The president’s wife said contrary to some reports, she had always mediated between Gov. Chibuike Amaechi and other parties in a crisis that began four years ago.

“This matter started as far back as four years ago at Anyugubiri in Okrika when I begged him not to demolish a part of Okrika but (that he should) dialogue first with the people.

“After that incident, he called the chairman of Okrika (local government) and sacked him for holding a reception in our honour; that boy was the first victim.

“He also put my people on curfew for nine months. I called him and pleaded with him but he refused. Then I began to hear all sort of propaganda in the media against me; this is not the way.

“I’ve never spoken about this issue but as men of God, I believe you’ll say the truth always because there are a lot of conflicting interests; some will hear one thing and say the exact opposite.

“I also want you to know the genesis of this problem and pray that God touches Amaechi’s heart as per his hot temper because when two elephants fight, it is the grass that suffers.’’

Jonathan urged the parties involved in the crisis to help to resolve issues plaguing the state and not “whip up sentiments that will aggravate the problem.

“I appeal to Amaechi to sheathe his sword so that we can defend our state and this country with love, unity, patriotism and truth at all time.

“Hebrews 12:14 urges us to embrace peace with all men without which, we cannot see God.

“Amaechi is my son, I cannot fight him and I cannot kill him. He shouldn’t be used by outsiders against his own blood because this seat is vanity.

“One day, no matter how long it takes, we will leave this seat. Power is not forever. This seat is vanity, others sat here and left so one day I’ll also leave and we will meet at home; so why should I fight him?

“Let’s take it easy, face issues, leave non-existent matters, stop magnifying lies and respect our leaders and people in authority. Let’s give peace a chance,’’ she said.

Earlier, Bishop God-Do-Well Awomapara, Chairman, Niger Delta Bishops Forum, who led the delegation, said the visit was significant “in view of emerging situations in our region.

“We are on a quest to unravel the mysteries surrounding the Rivers issue and mediate where necessary.’’ (NAN)

About Post Author

Anthony-Claret Ifeanyi Onwutalobi

Anthony-Claret is a software Engineer, entrepreneur and the founder of Codewit INC. Mr. Claret publishes and manages the content on Codewit Word News website and associated websites. He's a writer, IT Expert, great administrator, technology enthusiast, social media lover and all around digital guy.
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Blackberry to give away free Z10 with every iPhone purchase

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Read Time:1 Minute, 12 Second
Smartphone manufacturer Blackberry is looking to grow its market share by giving away a Z10 smartphone to everyone who buys an iPhone.
 
The drastic measure comes as the firm tries to secure its place among the smartphone elite, despite poor sales of its flagship device.
 
BlackBerry boss Thorsten Heins said, “We are confident that by forcing a BlackBerry into the hands of everyone buying an iPhone, then we can at least claim that we have a lot of BlackBerries out there.”
 
“Our new sales strategy involved hovering outside an Apple store and putting a Z10 into every bag that looks like it contains an iPhone.”
 
“Then we go to the end of the street, take all the Z10s out of the bin and start again.”
 
BlackBerry market share
 
The move has been copied by Microsoft who have taken to giving away their Surface tablet to anyone buying an iPad.
 
Microsoft boss Steve Ballmer said, “We have to move quickly, especially when someone has bought an iPhone and an iPad, as the BlackBerry people are trying to get their stuff into those bags, too.”
 
“But it’s been a success – so far ownership of Surface tablets is up 200%.”
 
“And by ‘ownership’, I mean ‘has one on their person when we counted them’.”

About Post Author

Anthony-Claret Ifeanyi Onwutalobi

Anthony-Claret is a software Engineer, entrepreneur and the founder of Codewit INC. Mr. Claret publishes and manages the content on Codewit Word News website and associated websites. He's a writer, IT Expert, great administrator, technology enthusiast, social media lover and all around digital guy.
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Narnia residents delighted as immigrant loophole through wardrobe is finally closed

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Read Time:1 Minute, 42 Second
Anti-Immigration demonstrators in Narnia are celebrating this morning as a portal that leads to a 19th century wardrobe is finally to be closed.
 
The wardrobe, which has seen several young children from the 1930’s enter Narnia without being checked by the relevant authorities, is to be destroyed after residents complained of looting, dropped litter (mainly Turkish delight wrappers) and widespread drug use.
 
A spokesperson for the group ‘Narnia for Narnians’, a Mrs The White Witch cackled, “Here at the N4N we’re absolutely delighted.”
 
“The place has been inundated with spoilt wartime brats coming over here with their stupid hair and fake posh voices, making the place look untidy and pretty much foiling all of our plans.”
 
“If things carried on as they were going who knows where it would have stopped? First it’s the odd visit, the next they move their families in, scrounge off the government and drive down our property prices.”
 
Narnia immigration policy
 
However, not everyone is in favour of closing the gateway. Some think that it brings much-needed money into the tourism industry and fear that the closure may affect the local economy, something Mrs The White Witch dismisses with an evil laugh.
 
She went on, “You know what is bad for tourism? Having a massive fuck-off Lion roaming about the place.”
 
“That’s right, we’re being ruled by a tyrannical lion and, what’s more, he’s immortal. How do you get your head around that?”
 
“Just last week he had someone’s hand off just for whistling outdoors! No, trust me the closure will be the best thing for everyone concerned.”
 
It is not yet known how this will affect those on the other side of the wardrobe. A spokesman for the 1930’s was unavailable for comment.
 
SOURCE: newsthump

About Post Author

Anthony-Claret Ifeanyi Onwutalobi

Anthony-Claret is a software Engineer, entrepreneur and the founder of Codewit INC. Mr. Claret publishes and manages the content on Codewit Word News website and associated websites. He's a writer, IT Expert, great administrator, technology enthusiast, social media lover and all around digital guy.
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Orville to break historic links with Keith Harris

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Shit eighties puppet Orville The Duck is to renegotiate his historic relationship with has-been ventriloquist Keith Harris, according to reports.
 
In a speech on Tuesday, Orville will call for a new system of ventriloquism which is “open, transparent and trusted” and does not rely on the viewer being easily distracted.
 
Orville has faced open criticism from those within the entertainment industry who accuse him of being nothing more than a mouthpiece for Harris’ poor jokes.
 
“What we saw back then is part of the death throes of the old ventriloquism”, Orville said.
 
“Keith with his hand up my arse calling all the shots. It is a symbol of all that is wrong with ventriloquism.”
 
“Every time I talk you can see Keith’s fucking gob flapping away – that has got to stop.”
 
“We need to move away from the closed shop system of ‘one puppet one ventriloquist’ as exemplified by Ray Allen and Lord Charles or Bob Carol-Gees and Spit The Dog.”
 
Key relationship to change
 
Orville fan Simon Williams said, “In fairness to Keith, he did try to break out of the mould by introducing Cuddles the Monkey, but unfortunately the entire act was a steaming pile of wank which struggled with the letter B.”
 
Harris, meanwhile, has advised Orville against severing his links completely, insisting it may not be possible for him to sit upright without assistance.
 
Harris said, “A Top Ten hit, the Prestatyn branch of Pontins sold out for two consecutive nights – none of this would have been possible without me.”
 
“At least I’m not a paedo,” he added.
 
“And let’s face it – I had plenty of opportunities.”
 
SOURCE: newsthump

About Post Author

Anthony-Claret Ifeanyi Onwutalobi

Anthony-Claret is a software Engineer, entrepreneur and the founder of Codewit INC. Mr. Claret publishes and manages the content on Codewit Word News website and associated websites. He's a writer, IT Expert, great administrator, technology enthusiast, social media lover and all around digital guy.
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Research shows toddlers who sleep in four-poster beds ‘more likely to go to Eton’

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Read Time:1 Minute, 50 Second
Researchers have made a startling discovery about how a child’s academic prospects might be improved: they’ve found a link between sleeping in a castle, and then Going On To Eton.
 
Until now, little research has been carried out into how going to bed early with a belly-full of swan can affect a child’s cognitive abilities – but these latest findings show it doesn’t matter, because they have a lot of money.
 
Charles Frisham thinks there could be a direct correlation between being tucked into a four-poster bed by a butler, and growing up thinking it’s acceptable to wear red trousers and a blazer.
 
“My team and I spent several months studying the bed-time habits of the under-5s”, said Frisham.
 
“Although we concentrated on the big houses in the end, because some of the small ones were quite grubby.”
 
Child academic research
 
Frisham also proved a link between consuming microwave burgers and blue pop, and not going to a half-decent prep school.
 
“Worse still is the damage done by parents that don’t make you go to bed before midnight because they’ve been drinking White Lightning all afternoon”, said Frisham.
 
“With that sort of routine you’re 85% more likely to end up in a school where the only apparatus on the playground is a burnt-out Subaru Impreza.”
 
Frisham claimed just a few simple changes could help improve the prospects of a toddler.
 
“It’s the little things that make a difference”, he explained. “Having a nanny, owning a few ponies or being on the civil list.”
 
Frisham believes that every parent can give their offspring the best start in life, if they move to Chipping Norton and make an effort with the neighbours.
 
“Who knows, one day your child could be doing something really meaningful with their life”, he suggested.
 
“Such as carrying out research projects into the Incredibly Fucking Obvious.”
 
SOURCE: newsthump

About Post Author

Anthony-Claret Ifeanyi Onwutalobi

Anthony-Claret is a software Engineer, entrepreneur and the founder of Codewit INC. Mr. Claret publishes and manages the content on Codewit Word News website and associated websites. He's a writer, IT Expert, great administrator, technology enthusiast, social media lover and all around digital guy.
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Fred’s Science Museum Closes After Three Months

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WOBURN, Mass. (CAP) – After opening to much fanfare in the local press, "Fred's Museum of Science" – billed as a less expensive suburban alternative to the Boston Museum of Science – has gone out of business, confirms owner Fred Prywatki.
 
Prywatki opened the museum three months ago with his brother-in-law, Carl Reinhardt, and financed it with profits from his used car dealership, Prywatki Kia of Pittsfield.
 
"We were trying to show that you could have a fun, family-friendly, successful museum of science without a bunch of fancy foundations or an affiliation with MIT," said Prywatki. "It turns out we may have been wrong about that."
 
Located in the Cummings Office Park in Woburn, Mass., about 11 miles north of Boston, Prywatki and Reinhardt billed the museum as "2,000 Square Feet of Scien-Terrific!" But despite offering several amenities unavailable at the Boston Museum of Science – including free parking and Pizza Hut coupons with each admission – Fred's had trouble competing with attractions like the Hayden Planetarium, the Mugar Omni IMAX theater and a dinosaur exhibit featuring a life-sized, scientifically accurate Tyrannosaurus Rex.
 
In contrast, Fred's dinosaur exhibit featured a Barney the Purple Dinosaur costume positioned on a pedestal with arms outstretched, accompanied by a placard explaining how a real dinosaur would have been different. ("Did you know that actual dinosaurs didn't have googly eyes?" it reads in part.)
 
The museum was also at the center of several controversies during its short existence, such as when the Barney outfit in question – billed as having been worn by the original TV Barney, David Joyner – was revealed as having been a knockoff from a children's party store. "The first tip-off was that the suit was blue," noted Barney the Purple Dinosaur historian Francis Rudnick.
 
Prywatki also found himself at the center of several lawsuits, such as when more than a dozen children were injured by falling apples in "Newton's House of Gravity." The museum also came under fire for its exhibit entitled "Bees": Unlike the Boston Museum of Science exhibit of the same name, which features a glassed-in beehive that allows visitors to observe bees in their natural setting, Fred's exhibit was just a room full of loose bees, many of them angry.
 
"We failed to take into account potential allergy issues," admitted Prywatki.
 
Disaster was averted on the exhibit's opening day, when a school nurse at the museum on a field trip treated stung children with an EpiPen she had brought with her in case of emergency. "There were kids on the floor blowing up like balloons, and he's there offering them Pizza Hut coupons," said nurse Patti Johansen, referring to Prywatki. "Idiot."
 
The city of Woburn had apparently had high hopes for Fred's Museum of Science — on the day it opened, the Woburn Daily Times Chronicle featured a front-page photo of Mayor Scott D. Galvin cutting the ribbon for the museum, accompanied by state Sen. James Dwyer, playwright and Woburn native Eric Bogosian, and Prywatki and Reinhardt, both dressed as amoebas.
 
"We should have guessed something was amiss when we saw the amoeba costumes were made of Hefty garbage bags with paper plates glued to them," said Galvin this week.
 
"Idiots," added Bogosian.
 
For his part, Prywatki says the final straw was an incident at the museum last week in "Edison's Electricity Hut" involving a curling iron and a tub full of water. "I just couldn't justify keeping it open after that," said Prywatki. "And I'm sure my brother-in-law would agree with me, if he ever comes out of the coma."
 
SOURCE: cap-news

About Post Author

Anthony-Claret Ifeanyi Onwutalobi

Anthony-Claret is a software Engineer, entrepreneur and the founder of Codewit INC. Mr. Claret publishes and manages the content on Codewit Word News website and associated websites. He's a writer, IT Expert, great administrator, technology enthusiast, social media lover and all around digital guy.
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