Since every one, ourselves inclusive seem to be in agreement with the fact that we-Nigerians- are a unique (not necessarily in the positive sense) group of people, it has become imperative especially in our globalized world for us to begin to share with our selves and more importantly, the rest of the world-especially those who are still amazed about our uniqueness- just what it takes to be a Nigerian.
To save your self from the prospects of an early death from high BP or brief illness, donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t ever go worrying yourself about the actions or inactions of Government. In Nigeria, siren blaring, tinted glass, dangerously driving, fast moving vehicles were the symbol of Government. You should be happy and contented each time you encountered them. It was a reminder that even though it doesnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t seem apparent, a Government existed. What they do (or donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t do) should be none of your business.
If however you feel some Marxist push-the type undergraduates call aluta- to ask questions, why not?, go ahead and ask but be rest assured that you will get no reply. If you cant live with that, then I advice you either join the queue in front of the United States embassy for a visa or buy your self an Ak47 and go join the militants in the Niger Delta. If you donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t feel up to both then just keep quiet or be prepared to be liquidated by the system. Your opinion was not worth the value of used tissue paper.
Besides, why go to bed with the many problems of a traumatized people on your mind? Did you cause the problem? Why should any one expect you to solve them?. Moreover, did they-the people- even elect you?. It was wiser and way more sensible to busy your self with how to recoup election expenses and to ensure that the unborn members of your fifth generation had wealth starched out for them.
One word you must be very familiar with is NEPA. Like it or not, it will be an important part of your vocabulary. ItÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s not even actually a word but an acronym for the now defunct National Electrical Power Authority. Its overwhelming importance lies in the fact that it is a synonym for two other important words: Light and darkness. Once your bulb goes out, you shout Ã¢â‚¬Å“NEPAÃ¢â‚¬Â. Whenever it came back on, you again shout Ã¢â‚¬Å“NEPAÃ¢â‚¬Â. You wonÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t need a reminder. Soon it would become part of you.
As a Nigerian, you must perfect the art of not lying and not telling the truth all the same. Just talk your way through every situation. The more ambiguous you sound the better. Flaunting your ability to speak the queenÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s language is a rule and your children must not learn to speak their native tongue. What?, not in this civilized age.
Being elaborate was to say the least a civic duty as a Nigerian. If you have to throw a party, it must be a very big one or else youÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ve not made a point. And of course, we party just about every thing- Child naming, House warming, Birthdays, weddings, Anniversaries, Promotions and even death. Funerals must be such that a fortune is spent to execute it. It didnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t matter if you ended up in debts. The important thing was that the people who came went home drunk and happy.
Less I forget, you must be very patriotic. You must be an unflinching supporter of the national foot ball team when they were victorious. If however they are out of luck and were not performing well in a match, you were free not only to begin cheering their opponents, but to also Ã¢â‚¬â€œ still as a mark of patriotism-, call for their heads and that of their coach after the match.
Now, I expect to get a few knocks for this piece. Not too many people fancy being reminded what they looked like. They Ã¢â‚¬â€œwe- generally prefer to feel we were something else. Something good, excellent and desirable. It was a Nigerian attribute which deludes some of us into declaring that we were a great nation or that we were proud of our country. Honestly, there is nothing to be proud of except perhaps the thoughts of what we could be as a nation, like a poet once wrote,
Ã‚Â I admire a girl with make up
Ã‚Â For what she is
Ã‚Â And the one without
Ã‚Â For what she could beÃ¢â‚¬Â¦